19 Things A Guy Needs You To Understand Before He'll Date You
For centuries, men have been writing, singing and discussing the “fact” that they cannot figure women out. At the same time, the myth has been perpetrated that men are transparent, more open about everything, and thus much easier to understand.
Finally, this myth has been punctured, and men are actually coming forth to explain some things about themselves that they wish women were more aware of.
Here are 19 aspects of men that women should know about:
1. They Like Being Told They are Good Looking
Their mothers probably told them this as they were growing up, but they haven't heard it in a long time. In this respect, they can be just as vain as women. When they look great, they want to be told so.
2. They are Just as Emotional and in Need of Support as Women
It may not always show because some men are raised to be stoic, but they have, as Longfellow once said, “secret sorrows.” When others think they are “cold,” it is often sadness that they feel uncomfortable expressing. They need support during bad times, just as much as women. In fact, men often have a harder time with a breakup than women do.
It is one thing for a man to receive verbal and other types of support as they pursue their educations and careers; however, they also need to kind of emotional support we often ascribe to the need of women. When they are going through rough times, they don't want people telling them to stay strong and “man up.” They want empathy and a genuine show of emotional support.
3. When They Want Alone Time, it is Just That
This does not mean they do not care; it just means that they need some time for themselves. Partners need to stop taking this personally and give them the space they need. Wanting to be alone is no reflection on their not wanting to “be” with someone.
4. They Let Go of the Negative Pretty Fast
Men have already forgotten last night's argument and have moved on. When a partner wants to dwell on it, it is just irritating. Move on just as they do.
5. They Do Not Pick Up Subtle Clues
Men tend not to “get” the little facial expressions, voice tone and other gestures that women often do. They need direct communication – and no beating around the bush, just get to it. Women should stop dropping hints; they need to say what they want or need.
6. They Are Irritated by the Double Standard
It is OK for females not to be “established” or settled much later. Men are expected to be settled into a career much younger, and females tend to gravitate toward men who are.
7. They Would Like to be Appreciated Openly
Men want acknowledgement for what they do. They like verbal compliments and statements of appreciation for what they do.
8. They Really Do Think About Sex A Lot
The general belief that men think about sex more is actually true – about once a day. They also think about casual sex and find it quite OK.
9. They Want Their Partners to Initiate Sex
Many men resent that they are always the ones to initiate sex. They do like to be “pursued.” They do not want their partners NOT to be shy about coming onto them.
10. They Dislike Stereotypes as Much as Women
While women may hate the old stereotypes of proper motherhood and such, men do as well. If they chose to be stay-at-home-dads and it works for their families, they hate the reaction of others to that.
11. They Need Understanding In Early Career Years
For men who have chosen to move quickly in their careers, they may spend an inordinate amount of time at work and thinking about work. They want understanding and patience from their partners; they are pursuing career success for the family just as much as for themselves.
12. They Often Need Greater Response Time
Men do not want to be bombarded with several questions at a time. And they often need some response time before they answer. If you have a partner like this, stop and pause, and give him the time he needs to formulate his answer. And do not ask questions if you don't want the truth because that is what will eventually come out.
13. They are Listening Even When You Think They are Not
A lot of people give out signals to show that they are listening. They nod, give short responses, such as “I see,” etc. Many men do not do this. You may think that are not listening, but they are; they are thinking about what you are saying.
14. They Often Prefer to Show Their Love Rather Than Verbalize It
Men have a lot of ways of saying, “I love you.” They may fix something for you; they may get your car washed; they may take out your trash. You should take these instead of the words sometimes, and just know that he loves you by his actions.
15. They Take Rejection Hard
Men have a difficult time approaching someone and asking them out. They often have to muster up lots of courage before doing this. And they fear saying or doing the wrong thing. So, if you plan to reject them, do so gently. Their egos are fragile. Many of them would prefer the other person make the first move, so, if the feeling strikes you, go for it.
16. Their Bravado is Often a Cover Up
Men grow up believing that they have to be tough and aggressive. Inside they don't feel this way. If a man is putting on too much bravado, take some time to get to know him anyway. The real person may come out very differently.
17. Their Bromances are Important
Guys who have been friends for a long time need time together. They have been through the worst and the best with each other, just like women have with their closest friends. Do not resent time that they spend with their guy friends; it is important.
18. They Gossip More Than Women Know
The classic “take” is that women are terrible gossips. What they should know is that men are just as bad, and that no one is really safe when men begin to gossip.
19. The Resent the Double Standard of Failure
When men fail, there is a larger stigma than there is when a woman fails. Society just does not have much sympathy for failures of men and sees that as a weakness or some terrible flaw. They excuse female failures because somehow it is harder for women to keep a career and manage a home and kids. The reality is when there is a two-career household, both partners pitch in.
Men resent the continual myth that it is harder for a woman than a man today.