There's Nothing Wrong With A 'Submissive' Woman, But I'd Rather Not Marry One


I don't have a laundry list of qualities I'd want in a wife, exactly. That's mostly because I literally have no idea how my personality will change and grow by the time I get married, whenever that is.

But I do have a few specific ambitions in life that I'm pretty sure will remain consistent for a number of years, and because of those ambitions, there is one thing that I'd look for in a woman.

I'd hope to be with someone I can go back and forth with on ideas, and someone who is just as willing to take control in certain situations as I am.

I like the idea of a person with boss-like qualities, and I'm not at all intimidated by the idea of an intellectual superior or (not to make a cheesy comparison) what Michelle Obama's husband sees her as.


In other words, I'm not looking for the "submissive" wife, per se. If I get that in some incidental way, no problem, but I'm much more focused on hooking up with a teammate.

I'm more interested in finding a teammate.

That, however, is as far as I'll go on the idea of submission; for me, it's just a personal preference tailored to specific goals I have.

I don't, by any means, shade a woman who wants to submit. In fact, I totally understand the willingness to be submissive, if not the outright desire to.

I'm all for supporting women, their choices, their agency and understand any of their desire loosen the restraints of any gender role.

At the same time, recognizing women as equals doesn't stop me from believing we're still different.

Furthermore, as someone who grew up in a church, I'm well aware the idea that, for many people, that difference between men and women manifests itself most in the role that each plays in marriage.

You probably know how it goes: "The man is the head of the household and the woman supports him," and I totally get it.

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But there are two reasons why I don't particularly champion the idea of the submissive woman:

The first reason is because people's definition of "submissive" is subjective. Once you start trumpeting the idea of submission being a woman's rightful duty, you start having to explain to a whole lot of guys why they can't treat their women any old way.

You also have to explain that the idea of women being submissive in marriage doesn't equate to them being inferior in any other area in life. And why would you have to explain this? Because women have been made vulnerable by the implication that it's OK to treat them certain ways, which bring me to this second point.

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It's much more important to stress that guys should work at being men worth "submitting" to.

Guys should work at being men worth "submitting" to.

Just because some women accept the task of being submissive, doesn't mean they're going to be submissive to anyone.

Nah, bruh, that's not how it works. It's way more important to work on being mature, knowing how to treat people and learn how to lead your own life properly before trying to lead to someone else.

If you're really someone looking for a submissive woman, taking those steps will probably lead you to where you want to go, anyway, which bring us to our last point.

From that point, I think everything works itself out. Call me out if I'm wrong, but it looks like a lot of women are happy to submit these days, they're just not going to do that for any of your crusty friends.

Lots of women have made that clear.

For the right man, though, there are plenty of women who would submit, and I'm gonna take a wild guess and say none of those "right men" are out here thirsting for submission, either.

So yeah, I get why people think it's a women's rightful role, in marriage particularly, to be the submissive party and I also get why some women aspire to fulfill that role, too.

Personally, though, I'm not going out of my way to look for one, exactly

The good news is, if it turns that I or any many other man ends up wanting that, we won't necessarily need to "look" anyway, as long as we're good ourselves.