'The One' Won't Leave You: Why There Is No The One That Got Away In Love

by Jessica Wendroff

For a long time, I thought my ex was "the one that got away." But I’ve finally realized that there is no such thing. Because if we were truly meant to be, he would have stayed.

The blood of our relationship was on both of our hands. I made mistakes, but so did he. We destroyed our love together. But with the energy used to take it down, we could have saved it.

But he stopped trying. He gave up. And after years of being inseparable, he left. Just like that, everything we built vanished. Our warm, fluffy cloud nine turned into hail.

In the end, all he said was “It is what it is.” But every time I heard this, all I could hear was “F*ck you." Because no matter how hard I tried, I could never understand how someone could just throw in the towel on our relationship.

I didn't -- and still don’t -- believe in the saying, “It is what it is.” That phrase is a slap-in-the-face cop-out of a comment. It's an easy, lazy and thoughtless thing to say to someone you used to love. You can’t pin failed love on the universe, but you can hold yourself accountable for it.

Instead of "It is what it is," it should be "It is what you make it." We design our destinies.

In the time we spent thinking about our problems, we could have come up with solutions. He could have examined himself and our relationship more before declaring it dead when times got tough.

Luckily, the hard times weed out the "pseudo-soulmates," as I call them -- the ones who are NOT meant to be.

People are removed from our lives so the right ones can enter. The love of your life will come along, and he or she will be just that: the love of your LIFE. Not the love of two months, or even three years, but your LIFE.

True love doesn't age. "The one" will love you from acne to wrinkles. He or she will help you birth your children and bury your parents. This person won’t ever be perfect, but will stick by your side come what may.

"The one" always believes in the relationship.

Like Cory did with Topanga or Noah did with Ally, your partner will have undying faith in your relationship.

Your family's disapproval won't matter to "the one." He or she accepts you for your messy room, crooked nose and love for the Kardashians (or Halo). This person also accepts your past -- but is more concerned about crafting your future.

In the end, "the one" knows that others can only speculate about your relationship because they're immune to the magnetic pull that you two share for one another.

"The one" loves you like a parent.

Our parents want us to find good partners in life because they know when they pass our spouses will take their places.

"The one" looks out for your best interests. He or she will tell you to put a coat on when it's cold. And nag you to fasten your seatbelt because he or she can't stand the thought of you being ill or injured.

And if you do get sick, this person will be your nurse. If you get hurt in an accident, he or she will be your arms, ears and eyes if need be.

"The one" hates to see you in pain.

Arguments happen. But if your partner doesn’t feel a shot of Jameson trickling down his or her throat when you fight, this person is not the one for you.

Your life partner should be like Cory Matthews, who once said he'd "rather break [his] ankle into 50,000 pieces than cause [Topanga] any pain."

And if you ever walk away during a fight, this person will chase after you. Always. Because "the one" won’t dare risk losing you. He or she will never let anger consume love.

With the right person, love can hide under a scowl, but it will still be there. In other words, your partner may roll his or her eyes but will still hold an umbrella for you while doing so.

"The one" doesn’t let you stay mad, especially overnight.

Maybe you'll argue until your voices are hoarse. But your partner would rather apologize than torture you with a sleepless night.

Obviously, there are some exceptions to this rule. But for the most part, "the one" would prefer to kiss and make up than give you hours of anxiety and silence.

"The one" can be tested -- but not tempted.

Any relationship comes with multiple pressure points. There's distance, time and jealousy -- to name a few.

Unfortunately, people both inside and outside of the relationship have access to these points. A girl can try to seduce your man all she wants. But if he's truly yours, he will stay faithful (and vice versa).

"The one" will make you feel at ease. You'll feel confident that his or her love is yours and yours alone. This person would never allow any outside forces to tamper with the trust you've worked so hard on building.

"The one" makes solutions, not excuses.

The saying goes, "A relationship is like a house. If a lightbulb goes out, you don't buy a new house. You fix the lightbulb."

The right person would never give up on you or the relationship; he or she would simply help you change the bulb.

Fights are challenges, not deal breakers.

In replace of complaints about feeling suffocated, the one suggests having a little more “me" time. Instead of holding in emotions, "the one" tries harder at voicing feelings.

"The one" doesn’t just pick up and go; he or she takes a deep breath and a step back from a problematic situation to propose a fix, not an end.

"The one" compromises and fights for you.

It doesn’t matter if you have different goals or interests; "the one" will meet you halfway to make things work.

Finding activities you both enjoy can be difficult, but once you find common ground, you can make it holy. Just watching "The Office" can be special as long as you’re doing it together.

It might be a struggle to be together every day, but if your partner truly is the love of your life, he or she will find ways to keep you drunk in love until death do you part.

"The one" will never let you go.

There will never be a fight too big or a paystub too small to handle. You two can make it through anything as long as you both remain equally determined to do so.

If you show your partner the love and respect he or she deserves, you can rest assured that "the one" will never leave you.

The glue that keeps you together on a daily basis is the cement that will ground you in the face of life’s bigger problems -- like bankruptcy or a miscarriage.

And as long as you treat "the one" like the sun, his or her love will only set with you.