Why 'Taking A Break' Doesn't Always Mean The End Of Your Relationship

by Latoya Hoyte
Danil Nevsky

At some point or another, we've all been there. Where is "there," exactly?

"There" is sitting on the couch wondering how the hell you can pick up the pieces and get back together with your ex after a nasty breakup.

Believe it or not, every couple experiences relationship overload. What is relationship overload? It is when every issue (regardless of size) ends with an argument.

It's basically that awkward silence during which you're both hurting, and every day that goes by seems to make it worse rather than better. The hardest part is, neither one of you can pinpoint exactly where everything went wrong, how it spiraled out of control or who's to blame.

A strained relationship casually starts with a breakdown in communication, and eventually, it hits the wall with a nuclear meltdown about who forgot to pick up the groceries.

Unfortunately, something as small as an errand has the potential to start an all-out war. Why? Because the two of you would rather keep your mile-long list of frustrations to yourselves and text the drama to your friends instead of talking to each other and addressing the issues head on.

Going your separate ways may be the start of a new life, or it may simply be a break to focus and collect yourselves with the possibility of getting back together.

To be honest, no one can predict the outcome of their breakup. A small argument may separate the two of you for eternity, while a big, nasty blowout, complete with Facebook posts and the dreaded status change to "single" has the potential to turn around.

So now, it's officially over. You get up in the morning, and it's quiet. The first few days seem surreal until it finally hits you that the two of you are over.

Everyone has a defining moment when they realize they're single. That moment of clarity may lead you to miss them and hopefully work things out, or it may lead you to a place of freedom.

A couple days, or even weeks, apart gives you an opportunity to think about where the relationship is going and more importantly, if the two of you are going there together.

Whether you've been together two years or 10 years, I truly believe that getting back together involves communication, contact, mutual feelings and growth.

Often times, when we're in relationships, we lose sight of who we are and more importantly, what we truly want in life.

During the first few months of a breakup, we tend to reflect on who we really are, where we went wrong, what could have been and what we would have done differently. At this junction, we often realize who's to blame and how much we either miss our SOs or no longer need them.

I truly believe your personal happiness has a direct effect on your ability to love and your ability to be a good partner.

Believe it or not, your ability to accept the good, bad and ugly may turn your break into a permanent split if you're not careful. The truth is, the amount of energy it took to get your partner in the first place will be the same amount it takes to repair your relationship.

However, a small degree of separation will give both of you the opportunity to figure out what you want, need and are frustrated by in your relationship. It will give you the clarity you so desperately needed before when your relationship was in turmoil.

And once you get that clarity, you'll be able to come back to your relationship with a new perspective, if that's what you end up wanting to do.

Remember it's OK to get back with your ex, but it's also OK to walk away. Whether that's forever or even just a few more months is up to you. We're human, and it takes us time to figure out what we want and how we want it.

Our ability to love is one of our greatest gifts, so we need to appreciate it and nurture it as best as we can. Doing so begins with properly choosing whom you spend your love on.

And the only way to make a good choice is to be confident in yourself and your needs first.