I, like my girl Taylor Swift, have a long list of ex lovers and no shame whatsoever.
Relationships end for many reasons, but all of them aren't horrible. Some simply have many tiny flaws that, in the end, amount to one big, “Hell no.”
That was the case for most of my breakups, and I wish I had seen the signs or been more vocal about how these, albeit minute, issues felt like massive punches to my face.
Maybe things would have gone better, but I did date a lot of idiots, so I doubt it.
What hurt the most were the issues concerning their ex-girlfriends.
Whether he was constantly talking about her, comparing the two of us or hanging out with her all the time, they were all blows to my ego.
While I may despise some of my ex beaus, I want them to learn from their mistakes. But, they can't do that if I never point them out. So, here's my chance!
Exes of the world, don't make these small (but extremely stupid) ex-related mistakes with your current girl:
1. Don't Mistakenly Use Her Name
This one seems pretty self-explanatory, but apparently it's not because it's happened to me more times than I'd like to admit.
Sure, it may just be a slip of the tongue, but calling your girlfriend by your ex's name is the equivalent to her hearing, “Oh sorry, I was just thinking about my ex and how much I miss her, and how I wish you were her.”
Also, it's important to school your parents on your latest bae's name because having your mother use the ex's name is just as bad.
It means you haven't talked about her enough for them to forget about your loser ex who is out of your life.
2. Stop Wearing Her Clothes
I don't care if it's your favorite shirt to workout in, throw it out, especially if we ask you to.
The longer you hold onto that shirt, the longer you hold onto the possibility that you and your ex will get back together.
It's not worth the fight. And I'm sure your current fling would be more than happy to buy or lend you a new shirt to sweat in.
3. Don't Lie About Keeping In Contact
Maybe you guys dated for a long time and weirdly had a normal breakup and stayed friends afterward. That's totally cool; go maturity!
So sure, maybe you occasionally text or see each other for coffee. Just don't lie about it.
If I happen to see you texting her or hanging out with her without telling me, all I think is you're keeping it a secret for a reason. And telling me after the fact still makes it a lie.
4. Stop Talking About How She "Ruined You"
I get it; you're damaged. We all are, and we've all been hurt by exes (that's why he or she is an ex). But, that doesn't mean you can't move on from what happened and improve.
Maybe you should let your new partner be the one who fixes what the ex broke?
5. Stop Talking About How She "Changed Your Life"
She cured your fear of heights? She helped you figure out what your true passion in life was? She gave the best head ever?
Amazing. Why did you break up again? Maybe you shouldn't have.
6. Don't Keep In Contact With Her Parents
Unless they are part of your day-to-day, there's no reason to keep in contact with your ex's family.
I'm sure her mother was lovely and her grandfather told the best war stories, but you can do without them.
I understand breakups can be hard on everyone involved.
My mom still misses my ex from four years ago (despite the fact that he cheated on me), but when they casually texted once or twice two years later it was weird AF.
You have new parents and family members to get to know, and whether you like it or not, your ex's family will have to start liking her new man.
7. Stop Comparing Her To Your New Girlfriend
Seriously? This one should go without saying, but some men are complete morons and think this is socially acceptable.
Never compare your current girl to your ex, especially if you've ever referred to said ex as “crazy,” “bitchy” or any other horrific adjective.
And dear God, if you compare weight, you deserve to get punched. (If you can't tell, I'm still a little bitter.)
Listen, I'm just trying to save you from the silent treatment and another inevitable fight in your next relationship. These things may seem small, but they aren't.
I made the mistake of trying to play the “cool” girlfriend who didn't care, but it was all bullsh*t. I cared and got hurt, but it was partly my fault for not speaking up.
Don't make the same mistakes and have your next partner feel the same way.
Or, just get back together with your ex.