Snapchat has been my least favorite social media platform ever since I watched my friend record a video of someone throwing up outside of a house party in college.
I hated Snapchat even more when I saw the video was still on his Snap story the next morning.
I couldn't believe we were exploiting people's lowest moments for the sake of a VIDEO VIEW. Yeah, not even a like or a comment or another legitimate, measurable form of social media validation. A view.
Some people might have found this video hilarious, but to me, it was one of the many horrible things Snapchat enables our egocentric generation to do.
And I'm more than convinced all this Snapping is making us look really, really bad to the opposite sex.
Whether you're aiming to incite a reaction from your crush, the ex you're trying to make jealous or just the opposite sex in general, beware before you do any of the following because you look really, really stupid.
1. Have 100 Snaps in your story.
You might think someone who has a crush on you gives enough of a shit about your life to watch your night at the club, the morning after in your bed, your walk to the bagel store and the cute dog you just had to film and put a filter on.
But they don't.
In reality, when you have that long of a story, you just force people to tap on it a zillion times until it disappears from their Recent Updates. And nobody wants to date someone who makes them do all that work.
You're also probably a narcissist for even having that long of a story in the first place. Just saying.
2. Anytime you require someone to turn on the sound because the focus of your Snap is the audio.
The likelihood of your Snap being opened in a location that's too loud for the sound to be heard is pretty high.
So now the recipient has to dig into their messy bags, find their headphones, put them in and turn the sound on their phones on (because it was off to begin with)... all for 10 seconds of nonsense. Very annoying.
Make sure there's a rewarding, worthwhile visual element to every Snap you send. Otherwise, once again, you're too much work.
3. Send selfies in bed.
They get it. You want them in bed with you.
How about playing it cooler.
4. Send selfies that you pretend are silly, but in fact, are not.
There's a huge difference between pretending a face is silly and making a real, genuinely silly face.
Real, genuinely silly faces involve crinkles in your eyes and forehead that are kind of unattractive, and a filter that actually distorts your face.
Fake silly faces are just, like, the dog filter. Which we all know means you're #basic.
So I highly suggest that before you send a silly Snap to a crush, make sure your silly face is, indeed, silly.
Otherwise, you just look like you take yourself way too seriously.
5. Posting a Snap story, but also sending it to individual people.
You JUST made someone feel special by sending them an individual Snap, and now you want to put it on your Snap story for everyone else?
Is nothing sacred?
6. Send a video of you singing into the camera while there's clearly a party happening behind you.
Why are you interacting with a camera and not humans?
Your social skills are being questioned.
7. Using the same pretty filter over and over again.
Everyone knows the gold crown filter makes your skin tanner and eyes brighter. You're not fooling anyone... especially someone who's already seen you naked.
They know your skin isn't that flawless.
8. Send a million Snaps in a row of a dark club and EDM music nobody can make out.
For the love of god, never do this.
9. Post Snap stories and send Snaps literally all the time.
Hate to break it to you, but it's just a fact of life that the more you Snap, the less appealing you are. Everyone knows it's so much hotter to ~remain a mystery~.
Besides, your friend throwing up outside of a house party is only a funny story to people who were there.