100 Excuses Single People Make To Feel Better About Being Single

by Alexia LaFata

Every once in a while, we all fall victim to the woes of singledom.

Nosy family members are constantly up our ass, asking us if we've met that "special someone yet."

OkCupid constantly bombards our email inbox with messages that ask us how long it's been since we've logged on.

It's sometimes hard to accept the reality of your singleness, especially when you see couples holding hands on the street, rom coms with happy endings and your best friend and third-grade classmate getting engaged on Facebook.

To make yourself feel better, you'll probably do a hell of a lot of rationalizing about why you're single just to shut friends, family members and even your own nagging brain up about it.

You may not necessarily believe all the excuses you tell yourself, but, hey, they're better than nothing, right? Right????

1. I'm not going to settle.

2. At least my mom thinks I'm cute.

3. This is my choice.

4. I need some me time.

5. I'm taking control of my life.

6. This is what's healthy for me right now.

7. I don't need to be in a relationship to have mind-blowing sex.

8. I don't want to shower that often.

9. I don't want to shave my legs ever.

10. Nobody will care if I go full bush.

11. Just because I'm alone doesn't mean I'm lonely.

12. My bed is too small to share with anyone.

13. My vagina could use the break.

14. I don't need anybody else to validate me. I can validate myself.

15. Because I could do it better myself anyway.

16. Because I'm my own "One."

17. Because I'm a whole person, not a half looking for her other half.

18. Nobody is here to judge me for my food choices.

19. Nobody is here to judge me for my groufit.

20. I'm really focused on my career right now.

21. At least I'm killing it at my job.

22. I don't have TIME for a relationship.

23. Nobody will match with me on Tinder.

24. Tinder actually kinda freaks me out.

25. Actually, online dating at all freaks me out.

26. I'd rather make love to my remote control.

27. I can cuddle better with my dog.

28. The economy is bad right now.

29. Nobody wants to go on dates anymore.

30. I'm working through my trust issues.

31. My therapist says I need to be single right now.

32. I can watch the notebook without judgment.

33. At least I don't need to pretend to like sports.

34. I like to keep my options open.

35. I'm just not attracted anyone in this town.

36. I'm just not into anyone right now.

37. I don't need to worry about being the "Cool Girl."

38. I just want to focus on my friends and family right now.

39. Nobody will care if I gain weight.

40. I can eat this ice cream cone all by myself.

41. I have a lot on my Netflix queue right now.

42. I'm emotionally fulfilled by random hookups... I swear.

43. I'm still not over my ex.

44. I don't want to be tied down.

45. I don't believe in monogamy.

46. Love is stupid.

47. I don't like feelings.

48. I don't want to clean my apartment for somebody.

49. I have enough boyfriend sweatshirts already.

50. I'm too young.

51. I don't want to meet the right guy this early in my life.

52. I have my friends to keep me company.

53. I don't want to be like one of those mushy couples.

54. Being Facebook official is really awkward.

55. I hate sharing anything.

56. I have a lot of traveling to do.

57. I don't want someone to distract me from doing what I love.

58. I'm scared of getting hurt.

59. I fear vulnerability.

60. I don't like gross romantic stuff.

61. I don't even believe in Valentine's Day.

62. I like my independence.

63. I'm tired of faking orgasms.

64. My libido is pretty low right now anyway.

65. My pillow is a better lover.

66. I know my value in the world without a man.

67. Everyone's threatened by my success.

68. The only partner I need is my business partner.

69. I don't want to introduce anyone to my family.

70. I'd rather focus on loving myself.

71. I haven't been STD tested in forever anyway.

72. I don't want to get any more strains of HPV.

73. I don't want to get dressed up for anyone.

74. I'm not trying to be a plus one to a million weddings.

75. I'd rather adopt a pet.

76. Nobody my age is on my level of maturity.

77. I'm experimenting with my sexuality.

78. Birth control is expensive.

79. I have a negative reaction to the pill.

80. I can't get pregnant if I have no one to have sex with.

81. I don't want the pressure to have to work out for someone else.

82. I want to dress for myself, not for someone else.

83. When it happens, it happens.

84. When I meet him, I'll know.

85. I have to go feed my cat.

86. Unless someone really blows me away, what's the point?

87. It's summer, and I want to be carefree.

88. I'm guarded.

89. I'm a feminist who doesn't need a man.

90. The hook-up culture ruined everything.

91. I have a very specific type.

92. I don't like answering to anybody.

93. I would rather go out and party with my friends.

94. I'm literally better than every person I've tried to date.

95. I don't want to be that girl who ignores her friends for her boyfriend.

96. I'm in no rush.

97. I have opportunities waiting for me elsewhere.

98. I have other options.

99. I have hoes in different area codes.

100. I deserve better.