Party Of One: 8 Random Moments When You Realize You're Single AF
As two single women in their 20s, we feel we speak for all singletons out there when we say we are very aware of our single status. Most of the time, this fact is okay with us, and sometimes, we even love it.
However, there are times the harsh, dark reality of being single hits us hard. No, we aren't talking about the classic, “FML I am single” times, such as Valentine's Day, family parties, weddings, work happy hours, etc.
We want to address the other times no one seems to give a f*ck about, the times that sting the most. These are the awful moments when your single status seemingly hits you out of nowhere.
You are single AF, and it is f*cking terrible.
1. Your local bar happy hour
Your favorite bar is like home to you. The bartenders know your drink, and you can always find a seat to dish the latest dirt with your favorite single gal pal. A night of giggles and gossip suddenly comes to a halt as you glance around the room.
The familiar strangers you have seen time and time again are all there, and they are still trolling for romantic interests, as they do every week. What's even more scary is they’re still single, and they are still attending the same happy hour.
You start to feel the walls close in around you, and the room gets stiff. You need out of this bar that's doomed for singles, young and old. Check, please!
2. An innocent car commercial
As you sit at home, watching reruns of whatever trashy, girly TV show tickles your fancy, commercials segue in and out. Between popcorn grabs and social media trolling, you are as happy as a clam.
Until, a dark cloud comes over your TV. A car commercial features a happy family, with a mom and dad sharing glances of unconditional love, as they cozy into their tan, leather-seated SUV.
This sh*t hurts. Why do they get to be a perfect family stuffed in a brand new Lexus, and here I am, alone on the couch, single as AF?
3. PDA at the bar
Sure, they are essentially eating each other's faces off in the grossest possible way. But you look at them and think,
Really? Them? If they can find someone who is obsessed with them, and will eat the person's face while out in public, what in the hell is wrong with me?
4. Moving day
As young ladies, moving is a complete pain. Yes, we can pack like the best of them, but moving a bed?
This is the time you stare into space in bewilderment, and you curse the fact you do not have a boyfriend to come and help you move. Why me!?
5. Your morning Uber ride post-sexual rendezvous
Nothing smacks you with the reality of your singledom more than an Uber ride home on a Saturday morning, wearing last night's club outfit. As you barrel into the car, avoiding sunlight and strangers' judgements, you realize the driver is most definitely judging you.
Although you feel he or she is your number one enemy, and you are definitely going to give him or her a one-star rating, can you really blame your driver? You are in last night's clothes, leaving an apartment where the guy clearly doesn’t care enough to drive you home.
Instead of a chivalrous ride home, you left a half-sleeping, delirious man who is hardly capable of clothing himself, let alone operating a vehicle. You have serious depression and embarrassment spikes along this ride.
6. When you have the Sunday Scaries
The Sunday scaries affect our entire generation. They come almost every Sunday night, when you’re all tucked into bed. Sometimes, they come even earlier in the day, if you're an unlucky soul.
The Sunday Scaries are the thoughts (or demons) that pop into our heads on repeat. These cover all negative topics, including things we don’t have, anything that is wrong with us or constant replays of mistakes we made the two nights prior.
When you're single, your singleness is definitely a prominent topic on the Sunday scary reel in your head.
7. When you’re shopping at Whole Foods
Your weekly Whole Foods trip is a staple in your routine. As you’re perusing the perfectly stocked shelves and sampling away, you notice all of the other patrons seem to be happy and healthy couples doing the exact same thing as you.
The big difference between you and them, beyond their actual hand-written grocery list, is that they planned their trip together. And together, they are shopping.
You, dear soul, are all alone.
8. When you cook an awesome meal for yourself
While experimenting in the kitchen, there is nothing better than trying a new recipe, and within first bite, success! It's just so damn delicious that no Instagram or Snapchat can even capture it.
Right about this time is when you look around your empty kitchen, and you realize you have no one to share it with. You are single AF.
Being single is occasionally a truly trying experience. Not only do we have to attend weddings, sans plus one, but we are forced to recover from Uber drivers' judgements, detrimental car commercials and victories in the kitchen appreciated by no one else but ourselves.
We can only hope that someday, when we are not single, we will look back on these times when we narrowly escaped with our dignities, and really appreciate our baes for finding us.