Getting over someone isn't easy, and mending a broken heart takes effort. They say it should take half the time of the relationship to finally be over your ex, but I've never really found that to be true. There are people I've hung out with for a week that it seems to take months to get over, and I'm never quite sure when I'll be ready to start dating again. There are plenty of signs you're ready to move on — some more obvious than others — but they can be hard to identify.
When is it time to start seeing someone new? Is it as soon as I download Bumble and get my first match? Is it a competition to see who can move on first? Or should I wait until I've actually learned the lessons from my past relationship, and my heart feels healed and open again? Clearly, that would be the most mature route.
Here are some comforting signs you're ready to move TF on from your last relationship, since it's really best to wait until you're ready.
1. You Don't Stalk Your Ex's Social Media
I don't know about you, but I definitely fall victim to this. I once had to delete my Facebook because I could not stop checking up on my ex and his relationship status on it. At my very worst, I will constantly look at my ex's Instagram to see if he is following anyone new and check out who is liking his photos. I'll look at the profile of the people who are favoriting him. I'll stalk the women who tag him in things. I'll stalk the family, friends, and pets of the women who are tagging him in things. I'll suddenly become the most impressive private investigator in the world.
I believe that unfollowing exes on social media is self-care, and sometimes, in an effort to move on, you have to do it. If you are no longer checking your ex's social media, or if it doesn't trigger you and send you on a downward spiral, it's a good sign you're ready for someone new.
2. Songs On The Radio Don't Remind You Of Your Ex
The moment where love songs on the radio do not remind you of anyone is the moment where you are truly liberated from any form of heartache. While there are plenty of songs that you can use as a barometer of judging whether or not you still love your ex, I find that Gotye's "Somebody That I Used To Know" works best.
If you can get through the entirety of the above video without a single memory of your past, then you have, indeed, moved on from your past relationship. Give it a go. Do you pass the test?
3. You're Not Dating To Make Your Ex Jealous
Once, in an attempt to show how much I had moved on from my ex-boyfriend, I only dated people that my ex-boyfriend knew. The only thing that proved was that I was desperate to get my ex-boyfriend's attention.
If you've moved on from your past, though, you don't care about what your ex does. You probably don't want them to know your business. You'd like to protect them from further heartbreak, and you wish them the best. You're not trying to incite jealousy or anger for the sake of reigniting conversation or drama.
If you're dating without your ex in mind, then you're probably actually ready to move on. But if you are excessively posting pictures on the Internet or writing statuses about how happy you are, then you might be dating for someone else, not for you.
4. You Don't Think Of Your Ex When Personal Life Events Occur
The other day, I got in a pretty bad car accident. Don't worry, I'm fine. But one of the most startling things about it was that I had no desire to call my ex-boyfriend to tell him about it. For the first time in a long time, I didn't depend on him for emotional support in a time of crisis.
I didn't use the event as an excuse to reach out or to justify a need to talk to him. In fact, the thought didn't even cross my mind, until a few days later, when I had the thought that the thought of texting him hadn't even been a thought to me. (Did you follow that?)
When life events occur and you don't use them as an excuse to reach out to someone from your past, that means you probably have both feet planted firmly in the present. In that moment, when I did not rely on my ex to get me through an issue, I knew that having feelings for him was no longer an issue in my life either.
5. Hooking Up With Someone New Doesn't Make You Sad
You've been there before: You think you are finally over your ex, you go on a great date with someone new, you go in for the kiss or maybe something more, and automatically, you are reminded of your past and are overwhelmed with missing your ex. You can't wait to get home and call them, stalk their social media, or beg to get back together. Nothing compares to them. A new person's lips feel entirely different, and you're sure you will never get used to someone else again.
It's a horrible sinking feeling. But if you don't feel that, then you have definitely moved on. Sometimes, if we've rushed into something new too quickly, our bodies and our minds are just not ready for it. But if the timing is right, a new person won't remind you of what you've left behind. They will make you excited about the future.
If your past relationship is interfering with your present, then you might not be ready for someone new. I'm sure you've dated someone who is still hung up on their ex, and it's a sh*tty feeling to be someone's rebound. So if you think you might not be ready to move on yet, then don't. Take some time for yourself first.
You'll be grateful in the long run, and your next relationship will be better off for it.
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