Is it better to be bored or sad? I'm not sure about this at all. Boredom hurts my soul in a different way than sadness does. If someone called me a "sad person," I'd be OK with it, but if someone called me "boring person"... I'd probably cry and become a "sad person." Many people stay in relationships that are no longer bettering them because they'd rather not be heartbroken, but is living in boredom really any way to live? If you see signs you're bored with your relationship, you should at least consider peacing out.
I know that seems harsh, and I'm not suggesting that it's easy to exit a relationship, but if you are young and dating someone you aren't sure if you are going to marry, it might be time for a change. That's completely appropriate thing to feel; nothing lasts forever.
With that said, of course relationships are going to feel stagnant from time to time. The excitement of the early stages of a relationship simply don't last; our divorce rate would be much lower if they did. But if you are financially independent, don't have a marriage license or kids, and you've tried to spice things up in your relationship with a trip to the Grand Canyon or a vibrator in the bedroom and still feel bored, you might be with the wrong person. Here are eight signs you're bored in your relationship, and it might be time to move on.
1. You'd Rather Re-watch The Wire Than Have Date Night
OK, first off, no shade to The Wire, because it is a masterpiece, but it's not the lightest and brightest of shows. If you find yourself avoiding outings where you and your boo are spending solo time together, you're probably a little bit bored with your person. I have had some of the same friends since kindergarten, and I'm still not bored of going to bars and restaurants with them.
Date night should excite you, not make you grumble about shaving your legs in order to wear that new dress.
2. You Say "Fine" When Your Partner Asks To Have Sex
I mean, this response is generally a little mean and not going to lead to fireworks in the sheets, but in all seriousness, if you can no longer "get it up" for sex with your partner, you might be feeling bored. Try something new in the bedroom. Maybe a cute little role play. Are you still staring at the ceiling listlessly while he bones you? Not ideal.
3. You Just Booked A Solo Vacation To Tulum
Ouch. If you are craving your down time away from your partner, chances are they're either stressing you out of boring the pants off of you, neither of which is a great look. The fact that you don't want to adventure together with your partner suggests that something is off. (Though I totally respect the fact that you are also an #independentwoman.)
4. Your Friends Have Stopped Complimenting Your Relationship
...and started asking you, "How are things with Brian?" If your friends used to coo about how sweet you and your boo were, and said things like "you seem so happy" and that's changed, take note. Maybe you aren't as happy as you always were. Boredom and sadness are close cousins. (If your friends are less feelings-y and more withholding and never complimented your relaysh, this does not apply to you.)
5. You Stay Extra Late At Work
Even if you are Anthony Bourdain, a job is a job. We usually go to them for as long as we need to get our work done, and then escape to spend time with friends and lovers because it's fun to relax. If you find yourself spending late hours at work so that you can avoid spending awake-time with your partner, there's a pretty enormous chance you're bored in your relationship.
6. You Have A Completely Silent Dinner
When you're married for 30 years, and you've spent every night eating dinner together, a quiet night every once in a while makes sense. If you sit down for dinner together, at home or out in the world, and you go through the whole roasted chicken without exchanging a word, you're bored AF.
7. You've Been Scrolling Through Your Ex's Instagram
Or making time to hit happy hour with that cutie from work. Or staring at billboards featuring Channing Tatum for extra long periods of time. Yearning for other people if you are in a relationship is pretty normal, but if your eyes are constantly wandering, that's a definitely sign that you are bored with the bae you currently have.
8. You Stop Asking Each Other "How Was Your Day?"
Or any questions, really. When you lose interest in what your partner is up to when you are not around, you're not staying engaged in their life. That's a major sign you're bored by them. We usually ask people we care about how they are doing, and your early dates were probably filled with tons of questions and learning about each other. You don't have to be jealous or stalk their daily schedule, but if you are not checking in with your partner about their day, you're probably ready for something with a little more excitement.
Again, I want to stress that all of these signs can just be a normal part of a long-term relationship. The problem arises when you are seeing a lot of these signs a lot of the time. If you are bored in your relationship, try to fix the problem. Go on a trip together, try a new restaurant together, or even just binge watch Better Call Saul together (no skipping ahead!). See if new energy might fix your relationship before calling it quits.
If you get experimental and still feel bored? Think about what your next step is. Life is really short.
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