I have no idea when a relationship is going to last long term because I have not really had a long-term relationship.
Because I've pretty much ruined them all with my bad relationship behaviors.
I've over-texted, and I've also played too hard to get. I've been emotionally manipulative, and I've been withdrawn. I've cheated, and I've been cheated on. I jump into relationships as quickly as I jump out of them.
I also once hooked up with my boyfriend's younger brother after too many drinks, which, although not on this list, is definitely a sign that your relationship with your partner is not going to last long term.
I reached out to Dr. Nikki Goldstein, a sexologist, dating expert, and author of Single but Dating, to ask about the five signs that truly signal your relationship is not going to last. Because sometimes, it's important to spot breakup behaviors before the breakup happens.
You have different morals.
You should be working toward the same common goals in a relationship.
Dr. Goldstein lays it out: "We are all different people with different lifestyles and aims in life. But for a long-term relationship to survive, you need to, at some point, be going in the same direction."
It's also important to be on the same page when it comes to relationship deal breakers and deal makers. She continues,
What if one wants children and the other doesn't? What if one person wants to travel and the other doesn't? There is also the issues of morals. If you don't have at least similar morals, these eventual frustrations and arguments will occur [for] not only little things, but major life incidences.
Text your boyfriend a million times a day and send him the knife emoji over and over again until he responds? Stalk all of his exes' Instagram accounts? Force him to share his location with you?
Yeah, that's probably not a great sign for your relationship.
"When either one or both people in the relationship are insecure, it can lead to toxic behaviors," Dr. Goldstein explains. "At first, having someone check in on you all the time or be somewhat possessive might seem cute, [but] long [term], these are behaviors that will feel suffocating. Also, the need for reassurance of love and affection might grow old."
If you encourage your boyfriend to drink too much, so you can go through his phone once he passes out to check his texts between him and his cute female co-worker, then maybe you have an issue with jealousy.
(What? Is that just a me thing?)
"It's only natural to sometimes feel jealous, but if it's an extreme form, it can implement levels of mistrust in the relationship and also push someone over the edge to [a] breaking point," Dr. Goldstein says.
You and your partner lack sexual chemistry.
Don't want to hook up with your guy? Yeah, that's probably a bad sign, considering sex is what essentially distinguishes your relationship from a friendship. It's especially a bad sign if you never had any sexual chemistry from day one.
Dr. Goldstein explains,
We all have differences in the bedroom, and those are things that might be able to be worked on; however, if there is no chemistry or passion in the beginning, that might be more difficult to create. Sex in a long-term relationship can be difficult enough as it is, and things only naturally start to decrease over time. It's not easy to work at getting something back that you maybe never had in the first place.
You don't respect or consider your partner.
"[Respect and consideration] are vital for a relationship to survive, and any man will hear a woman say these words a lot through the dating journey. The issue is defining what these mean to you," Dr. Goldstein says.
Respect and consideration look different to every person, in every relationship, and in different stages of the relationship. A large part identifying whether or not your partner respects you is how willing he or she is to communicate effectively.
Dr. Goldstein continues,
Unfortunately, there are some people that just don't get it, and no matter how many times a woman tries to explain herself, it falls on deaf ears. How can a relationship last a long time without these two things? I don't think it can unless it's a relationship where disrespect is accepted.
So if you're wondering if your relationship is going to go the distance, check and see if you are exhibiting any of these negative behaviors with your partner.
And if you're going through your partner's phone, or making him share his location with you, it might be time to call it quits.