When your partner is pulling away from you, it's easy to leap to the worst, most extreme conclusion: He's exhibiting signs he doesn't love you anymore. Still, women and femmes have a strong intuitive sense. If something feels “off” in the relationship, it probably is.
If any of these signs ring true, then relationship expert Monica Parikh, of School of Love NYC, recommends changing your behavior in order to “right the ship.” This means that if someone asks for space, you need to give it to them. Don't engage in the push-pull dynamic that you might be tempted to do, where you work harder to connect to a partner who is withdrawing. She also recommends engaging in “no contact” to detox and reclaim your power. According to Parikh, by changing your behavior, women can have a ripple effect on everything else around them — including relationships.
“You can either force your partner to rise to a higher level of consciousness or cultivate a happier relationship with a healthier partner,” she says.
According to Parikh, here are the signs your partner is falling out of love with you, and you need to find a way to write a better ending.
1. They're Overly Critical Of You
According to Parikh, partners who have fallen out of love with you "are increasingly critical and find fault easily." A partner who is constantly finding ways to make you feel inferior is definitely not exhibiting any love for you. If this is happening to you, then Parikh writes on her blog that you need to find a way to break out of the pattern immediately.
“Life is short,” she writes. “So don't waste it crying over someone who doesn't value all the gifts you bring to the table. If they don't, someone else will.”
Whether or not your partner loves you should not have the power to determine your self-esteem. In a loving relationship, your flaws ought to be accepted and understood. If your partner isn't doing that anymore — or never did that in the first place — then their love might never have been authentic in the first place. If they did love you, they'd believe you were built to fly.
2. They May Seem Colder And Uninterested In Being Intimate
Another sign your partner may have fallen out of love with you is if "they are 'colder' and 'withdrawn' and less interested in sex," says Parikh.
Every couple has their ups and downs with sex, and just because a person is less interested in sex, doesn't automatically mean that they don't love you any more. It could be a symptom of stress or depression, or they could simply be preoccupied with work.
Lack of sex becomes worrisome when your partner a) doesn't want to talk about it (hence the “withdrawn” part of Parikh's warning sign) and b) isn't engaged with you in other ways. They might not be initiating texts or might be less likely to respond to yours. They might not be interested in what you have to say or in what's going on with you on an intellectual or an emotional basis.
If your partner is withdrawing from you, they will either wake up eventually and work toward developing a better, more meaningful relationship, or you will break it off. You can be a catalyst toward either one of those outcomes by rediscovering the things outside of the relationship that made you happy and feeding your energy back into yourself.
3. They Start Failing To Make Time For You
If a partner is increasingly busy, they might actually be avoiding you, according to Parikh. It's one thing to hustle for money; it's quite another to allow the hustle to take you away from your relationship. Even the hardest working couples I know still make time for one another, either by setting aside one of their days off to spend together or by communicating regularly throughout the work week. On my busiest weeks, juggling multiple gigs, I still find time to shoot a text to someone I'm seeing to let them know that I'm thinking about them.
Being increasingly busy can be an avoidance tactic, and if your partner is using it to distance themselves from the relationship, then it means they have developed an unhealthy coping mechanism for addressing their emotions. Do you want to date somebody who avoids communicating, or would you be better off finding someone who can engage in an open dialogue with you? The choice is yours.
4. They Don't Respect Your Boundaries Or Wishes
According to Parikh, violating boundaries means that your partner is operating outside of the bounds of the relationship. This can include cheating, but also more subtle, hurtful behavior.
“Talking about the problems in the relationship with outside parties, as opposed to their partner,” says Parikh, is one example of how an unloving partner might violate a boundary.
She says that behaving disrespectfully, being hurtful, or demeaning in front of other people is also a huge red flag. It means your partner isn't being considerate of your feelings and needs. According to Parikh, boundaries are the foundation of a healthy communication.
If you find yourself struggling with telling your partner that they are hurting you, Parikh is actually teaching an upcoming course on establishing boundaries in a relationship. It's a great opportunity to learn how to articulate your needs, break free of compliant behaviors that can lead to depression and anxiety, and use empathy to build better relationships.
If you take these signs to mean that your partner has fallen out of love with you, then take heart. The loss is real, but it also means that you are on your way to breaking through to a better, healthier, happier, you.
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