My friend just broke up with her boyfriend, even though she's been talking about doing it for a year now. She just kept hoping things would get better, and going from "we're not really getting along right now" to "my boyfriend is moving out of the apartment" is a pretty big leap to take. When your relationship is going south, you might ask yourself: Should I break up with him? Sometimes, it's hard to tell if your relationship has just hit a bump in the road, or if it's hit the end of the road and it's time to start packing.
I wouldn't wish a breakup on my worst enemy. They are the worst. Actually, maybe it's exactly what I'd wish upon my worst enemy. It's easy when your breakup is cut and dry and things are over for good. But when you're stuck in limbo and not sure of what to do, it's hard to figure out whether you should keep working to make things better or endure the heartache that is an inevitable breakup.
So here are four questions you should ask yourself before you call it quits on your relationship for good. Because breaking up isn't easy, but sometimes (a lot of times... most of the time) it's inevitable.
1. Are You Just Experiencing Growing Pains?
Relationships grow and change. Sometimes, they're amazing. It's the honeymoon period, you're hooking up all the time, and all of your partner's quirks are the most adorable things in the world. And then, months later, you can't stand the sight of their face and just wish they would stop breathing.
Relationships evolve and change, but usually, you and your partner will get out of a funk and return back to normal. If you're going through a rough period, see if you can ease out of it. Is it really worth breaking up over?
2. Have You Talked Openly And Honestly About Your Problems?
You'd be surprised by how many problems can be fixed with open, explicit communication. When it comes to relationships, breaking up should be a last resort. Sometimes, in avoiding conflict, we actually make our relationships worse, when issues could be solved easily with a quick conversation.
Most likely, the problems you have with your partner are not insurmountable. Before you end things for good, try talking about them first, calmly and with love. You'd be surprised at what you'll be able to accomplish, and it will probably even make you stronger as a couple.
3. Are You Expecting Too Much From Your Partner?
If we rely on our partner for everything (to fix all our problems or to be the sole source of our happiness) they will ultimately disappoint us. Your significant other will never save you from everything. While the whole "knight in shining armor" fantasy is nice to dream about, it's not actually realistic. It places an unnecessary amount of pressure on your partner — pressure that can cause friction in any relationship.
So if you find that there's resentment or anger in your relationship or some form of imbalance, consider whether or not one of you is depending too heavily on the other. Codependence, neediness, nagging, or bossing your partner around can cause relationship frustrations that can easily be fixed.
4. Will You Regret It?
One of the worst feelings is breaking up with someone and then immediately regretting it. You miss them desperately, you want them back, and you want to text them, call them, and show up at their house. As soon as you end things, you know you made a mistake, and the thought of moving on with someone else seems impossible.
Before you end your relationship for good, really think things through. Is it actually what you want? Are you just angry? Or are you avoiding a real conversation about the nature of your relationship? A conversation might improve things, but a goodbye might be forever.
Remember, breaking up shouldn't be taken lightly. You shouldn't break up every time you get in a fight. It shouldn't be a threat you use against your partner, or something you do just because you're having a bad day.
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