I destroyed you. I tore us apart in the most violent way someone could: coldly, silently and suddenly. I left you without all the answers and explanations, and I shattered your soul.
This may be hard to believe, but it hurt me just as much as it hurt you. I never wanted to see you in pain, and I never wanted to leave. It was never my intention to let you fall apart, but I'm not sorry I did it.
You deserve an explanation, and I can finally give it to you. These are the reasons I'm not sorry I broke your heart:
1. You didn't see the differences.
I started seeing the differences as we got older. We started out so in love and ready to give up anything just to be with one another.
But, that wasn't how it stayed. You started describing a life that didn't merge with mine.
We spoke about what we wanted numerous times, but neither of us was ready to budge. You thought I'd be fine, but I knew we'd resent each other one day.
2. We were so young.
Young love is the most dangerous kind because you think it is everything love is supposed to be. In a way, it is. But, we hadn't yet experienced the world.
There were so many things we both wanted to try, and we needed to do it on our own. You wanted to try things I didn't approve of, and I wanted to do things you thought were stupid. We were slowly building a fire that would burn us down.
3. You would have changed.
You loved me, and I loved you. We loved each other so deeply that you would have changed everything you are just to stay with me.
That may sound like a good thing, but it was actually tragic. You can't change yourself just to be with someone you love. The person needs to love you for who you are, not for the person he or she wants you to be.
4. You never came down from cloud nine.
This is f*cked up. People always say you should walk on water in your relationship forever, but that's not true.
You need to fight. You need to have disagreements and different interests.
You should be able to accept that your relationship isn't perfect. That's how a relationship grows stronger.
We never fought. In the off chance we did, it was over in minutes.
You thought nothing could ever change us. Meanwhile, we were changing right before your eyes. I knew that the first hardship we faced would tear us apart. We were living a dream destined to go dark.
5. I needed you to hate me.
I watched you cry in a way I never thought someone would cry over me. I called you names, and I tore you down. I told you there was someone else.
I did it all on purpose because if you didn't hate me, you wouldn't have moved on. I never wanted you to loathe my existence, but it had to be done. I needed you to be disgusted by the thought of me so that you'd be able to carry on.
There was never anyone else. You weren't any of the things I told you you were. But, there was no other way.
It worked. You hate me more than you ever knew you could, and eventually, you moved on.
6. You deserved better.
I didn't love you anymore. That's the blunt reality.
When I looked at you, I wasn't overtaken by love or joy. I didn't care about talking to you or seeing you. I didn't miss you.
After two years, everything just faded away. You loved me so much, and I couldn't reciprocate.
It wasn't fair because I knew how you loved. It was so deep, and you were owed someone who could return that love. That person was no longer me.
I never wanted us to end, but we had to. Since we've parted ways, you've been in love with someone else.
I see pictures, and your smile is back. You're happy living a life without me. You're going to find someone who loves you the way you should be loved: 100 percent, without a doubt, forever and ever.
You're OK because I broke you. That's why I'm not sorry.