Why Sex And Lust Rarely Translate Into A Relationship

With all-time high testosterone levels mixed with the dopamine our brains release, it’s not difficult to see why our sexual desires intermingle with our relationship wants. Fantasies of walking into a room with a thousand lit candles after a long day with your partner tempting you in every measure… you get the point.

Most 20-somethings have had sexual experiences and our hormones drive us to want more and more. We are in the stage of our lives when thoughts of hot, steamy, passionate sex often occupy our minds.

A special shout out (I’m sure from plenty of other Gen-Y males, as well) goes to E.L. James for writing “50 Shades of Grey” and opening many women’s minds to more “intimate” sex.  But as great as all these high-energy sex scenes in books and movies may be, they don’t necessarily reflect the basis of a functional, long-lasting relationship. So let’s examine the issue a bit more deeply:

The Problem:

Because some of our experiences have been so intense, many of us have lost an understanding of how to build a partnership. We’ve become a little mixed up and quite obsessed with thoughts and feelings of butterflies and orgasms, that new relationships are at risk for revolving around passion and lustful sex, which is generally the wrong move.

The Solution:

Have you ever looked at an elderly couple and wondered how in the hell they are still happy and happy to put up with each other? Well, think about it — maybe the sappy Nicholas Sparks movies are onto something. It is fundamental to any strong relationship to have a basis of a friendship and an understanding of one another. This is not achieved by simply having sex like a bunch of jackrabbits.

If you can combine the two (friendship and intimacy), you’re on track for an honest relationship that will be given the fair shot at success it deserves. So, instead of turning over halfway through a movie and having sex, go for a walk or drive somewhere new. Watch the stars in an empty field. Shoot, I don’t know, enjoy each other’s company — not to fill a void and not to just have sex.

Relationships are more complex than most young people want to admit. If it’s something you want, you must be willing to put in the work to achieve it. The instant gratification of sex is great, but it shouldn't end there. There is no single ingredient for a strong and happy relationship. The best piece of advice I can offer is that if you want the possibility to have the person you’re with to be in your future, be friends, not just f*ck buddies.

Photo via Guess