5 Weird Sex Positions That You Could Only Make Work With Someone You Love

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I have done a lot of embarrassing things during sex. I won't get into them because I want people to think I'm cool in the sack, and also, this isn't a diary entry. Some of my relationships were ruined by it, and that is when I would hang my head in shame (unnecessary). But when something weird happens in bed, and neither of you care, to me, that's when it's true love. I mean, what are weird sex positions anyway, right? Every human pretzel I have to get myself into to achieve orgasm feels pretty awkward to begin with — even the "normal" stuff. But if you don't feel awkward regardless of what happens in the bedroom, it's a pretty good indicator that you and your partner have real feelings for each other.

The more comfortable you are with a person, the more you can spice things up in the bedroom without having it get uncomfortable. For example, role-play is typically an activity reserved for couples who are semi-serious. I wouldn't be tied down, literally, by someone I didn't trust. I also wouldn't go spread eagle with someone I hardly knew; that would just be awkward and TMI.

Anyway, crack open your Kama Sutra, because if you can get away with doing these sex positions, then it's definitely true love with your partner. Seems like a fun way to find out if your relationship has what it takes to go the distance!

1. "The Wheelbarrow"

If you can get through any sex position that turns you into an intimate object and it doesn't get weird, then in my opinion, you and your partner are definitely soulmates. Doing the wheelbarrow essentially turns your bedroom into a relay race, and if you and your partner are able to incorporate that kind of fun into your sex life without it getting awkward, then it's definitely true love.

In the wheelbarrow, you put your hands on the floor, while your partner holds your legs up in the air by your ankles. They then penetrate you from behind, while walking you around the room. You are essentially a human vacuum cleaner, although I don't suggest you clean up the floor while you're having sex, unless you're the kind of Type-A personality who wants to.

If you and your significant other are having this kind of fun in the bedroom, then you've definitely moved from friend zone to full-time lovers. Congrats.

2. A "Golden Shower"

Lars Zahner / Fotolia

By now, you probably know what a golden shower is. If you don't, then let me tell you. It's when you pee on your partner. Sound kind of weird? Hey, it's not for everybody. But if it's for you and your significant other, then you're most likely so into one another, that nothing feels uncomfortable, no matter what.

Golden showers usually exist under the BDSM umbrella, because the dominant person in the relationship will urinate on whoever is subordinate. BDSM itself requires a lot of trust, care, and attention during the act, which is something that usually exists between partners who have a mutual respect and love for one another. While it might seem like a degrading act, it's actually kind of the opposite. Kinks can be surprising that way.

So if you and your partner are pissin' on each other (best done in the shower), and neither of you get weird about it, then it's probably true love. Maybe incorporate that into your wedding vows. Everyone will love it.

3. "The Spider"

The Spider is a sex position in which you are both essentially crab-walking on top of one another, so why it is called "The Spider" I am not entirely sure. In this position, your partner is on the bottom in a crab position, stomach up, and you get in the same position on top of them and gyrate. It's like reverse cowgirl, but more like reverse crab girl.

This position does not only seem physically uncomfortable, but also looks like it requires a lot of endurance and physical strength. There is no way someone is not falling while doing this, unless you are both CrossFitters. If you can withstand a potential injury while you and your partner are doing a naked crab walk on top of one another, then your relationship can go the distance.

4. "A Foot Job"

Pixabay

Did you know that of all kinks, foot-related fetishes are actually the most popular? So if you have one, don't be embarrassed because you're not alone. It's actually quite common. A dominatrix I was interviewing once told me that most foot fetishists aren't even attracted to clean feet. They like dirty, stinky ones because they have a stronger aroma and flavor. The more you know.

Anyway, if you can get through foot play as a couple, it's my true belief that you can get through almost anything. So why not try a foot job? In case you did not know, a foot job is when you give a hand job with the soles of your feet. This requires both lubricant and some in-shape calf muscles. Maybe maintain eye contact the entire time, just to make it even more special. And make sure you take off any toe rings first.

5. "Aphrodite's Kiss"

 Pixabay

This is a lesbian threesome position, as explained by Cosmo, and if you can get this down with your partner(s), then it's definitely true love, mostly because it combines three awkward things — a threesome, the 69 position (which I hate), and a strap on dildo.

I actually think that threesomes are an indicator of a healthy relationship because it means both partners are so secure in their foundation that they aren't threatened by another member coming into the bedroom. So if that's not awkward within itself, it's a testament to the love, respect, and boundaries within a relationship.

In this position, two women go down on one another in the 69 position. Then, a third woman enters one of the girls from behind, using a strap on dildo. There's a lot going on here, which requires some pretty serious multitasking. If you're able to conquer "Aphrodite's Kiss," you and your significant other can conquer the world.

So if you want to know if you and your partner have what it takes to make it, why not spice things up in the bedroom to figure it out? If neither of you freak out or die laughing, then you might be soulmates. Or something.

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