Why Relationships In Your 20s Won't Last

by Ashley Fern

The time you spend in your 20s is crucial in developing who you are as a person and what you want out of life. This is a complex time where there is a challenge around every corner. You may believe that this tedious new way of life would be better navigated with a partner. And while this may be helpful in some aspects, it can also make this time more difficult.

You are going to be making a ton of decisions that will drastically affect your future, so concerning yourself with someone else’s opinion may, unfortunately, cloud your judgment and cause you to make decisions you would not normally make.

Whether this is a newfound relationship or one that transcended college, there are factors that will cause tension that may and sometimes will cause the destruction of your relationship.

Let’s take a look at some of those most common factors:

Career Paths

You have no idea what type of career you are going to end up with in the future, so this is the time to explore different areas. Whether this is going back to school or pursuing a regular job, chances are you and your partner are not on the same career wavelength. This is more than okay since this is your time to develop your identity; however, this may not be good for your relationship. If you can support each other in your different endeavors, more power to you. Unfortunately, many couples cannot handle this scenario.

Social Life

Your 20s are a whole new ball game. Finally that fake ID you have been carrying around is a notion of the past. Take your newfound freedom and party your ass off. There is no better time than your 20s to do this, as most people tend to settle down later in life. It is a lot easier to go out five nights a week now than it will be when you have a husband and a child.

Many people in relationships get annoyed when their partners are out partying until the wee hours of the morning, but what better time is there to do this than now? This can cause a lot of tension and fighting, but if your partner can’t handle your social life, how are they going to be able to handle anything serious that may occur over the course of the relationship?

Different Groups Of Friends

As you and your partner both continue to grow as people, both of your groups of friends may change. This is normal, but as your circle of friends drift apart, this can create distance between you and your partner. At the end of the day, you may be too tired to socialize or to hang out with your partner, so you resort to the weekends.

The problem with this is that you also want to spend time with your friends. You can’t devote all of your free time to a relationship or you will actually drive yourself insane. You need an external support system. When you divide time between these two entities, this causes space between you and your partner. This distance can lead to fights and arguments that will negatively affect your relationship.


If you are holding onto your college relationship, chances are you don’t live within 10 miles of one another. Long distance relationships are inherently difficult and taking part in one during your 20s makes it that much harder. Maybe one of you is fortunate enough to move out of your parents’ house, while the other is not. This can and will create even more problems. While you partner is stuck at home, you may be out and about, moving on in life while he or she is stuck in the same place. Evolving at different rates can cause a lot of issues within a relationship that may ultimately lead to its demise.


This isn’t college anymore; this is the real world. You and your partner are both going to be exposed to all different kinds of people. It is completely natural to be intrigued by these different people, but temptation is not always good in a relationship.

By giving into this attraction, you may find yourself in an uncomfortable situation that may result in cheating. Once trust has been broken, it is beyond difficult to gain it back. As you are constantly exposed to different people, your “type” may change and, as a result, you are no longer enticed by the person you are currently dating.

Settling Down

Some people are immediately ready to settle down in their 20s, while others wish to push that off until their 30s. This often is a determining factor in regards to the future of the relationship. If people are not in agreement about where they are headed, what’s the point of even being in the relationship? You will constantly have these thoughts in the back of your mind, as you go through the typical motions. Eventually, however, the question ‘what’s the point’ will get to you.


I hate to say it, but this is a factor in relationships. If your parents are still supporting you financially, how do you expect to be taken seriously? Of course, help now and then is important, but if you are completely dependent on them, this can become a huge issue.

Constant Change

You are going to change a lot during this time. Who you are at 21 is most certainly not going to be who you are at 25. As you further immerse yourself in the “real world,” you will be exposed to situations you have never experienced before. These different scenarios will cause you to change your beliefs, opinions and how you see the world. Think back on your past, would the person you are now date the person you dated when you were 18? Absolutely not, the same goes for the time in your 20s.

You Outgrow One Another

As you mature, the person you once thought you loved may change. You think this is the best you can do and that there is no other person out there quite like this one. Let’s be honest for a moment: how do you know there is no one out there better suited for you if you do not go out and look? There is no possible way. You need this time to explore your options and find out what you really want and don’t want in a partner. Each person you are with will not only teach you this, but things about yourself as well.


It is an amazing feeling to be able to stand on your own two feet. This is the time you can finally (hopefully) break free from your parents grasp and lead the life you want to. Now is not the time to hold back in any regard. Your partner may not always agree with your decisions, but the fact is that they are your decisions. Do not compromise your beliefs because for another person. At the end of the day, the only person you can count on is yourself. So use this time to learn how to survive on your own.

Photos via Tumblr