Having a rebound - or rebounds - can be somewhat beneficial. First of all, you’ve revived that companionship that you had in your relationship with your ex with someone new. Second, you have the physical connection, which every human needs – a little s-e-x. Third, it helps you to keep your mind off of your ex and from going back to that dead end relationship, or reaching even out to your old partner.
Having a rebound can be a very sticky situation and, at the same time, complicated. Now, is having a rebound soon after you end things with your partner beneficial? I’ve conducted some pretty deep research and also learned from my own experiences, which has led me to believe that rebounds are NOT beneficial.
After my last relationship ended, I met the perfect rebound. In fact, I met him in Vegas the same week I had broken up with my ex, which was the reason I ended up in Sin City in the first place. Now, nothing at all happened with this individual - he was just someone I met at the time. We didn’t hook up then; however, a month later, I found his card in my purse.
This was a random situation because I didn’t even know I had it and I didn’t really remember him since all I can recall from that trip is being drunk more than half of the time.
I decided to text him. We texted back and forth, nothing out of the ordinary. He was a promoter and I was really trying to get a deal for my cousin. I didn’t see any harm in it, and it came easily, considering my ex wasn’t really in my thoughts anymore. I ended up going to Vegas with my cousin again, and we met up with this guy. Right off the bat, I thought he was going to be my rebound (according to everyone, I needed one).
This guy ended up being charming and very different from my ex, and I had more than just a physical attraction to him. We spent hours walking and talking, and nothing happened beyond hugs and kisses. Weeks later, I visited him. It was incredible and we had this deep connection like I never had with anybody else. I was in denial and really wanted him to just be a rebound. After all, come on, he was a promoter living in Vegas.
What more did him or I want from this? Long story short, I end up falling for him. I never considered him a rebound because I never once thought of my ex or wanted him to be like my ex while I was talking to him. I think mentally and physically the situation with my ex was long gone before it ever ended. So as much as I wanted Vegas guy to be my rebound, deep down I knew he wasn’t.
Over a year passed by and we still managed to have this sort of weird, long-distance love. He ended up moving back to his hometown, and we lost what we had. To be honest, I was heartbroken.
I met someone soon after, a true rebound. I had no connection with him beyond the physical attraction. He was good-looking, successful and we had fun. I became attached to him, and it was a terrible mistake. For starters, I was trying to forget about Vegas guy and I invested those feelings into this new guy. Every time I slept with him, every time I spent time with him, every time I cuddled with him, all I would think about was the lost love with Vegas guy.
This “rebound” ended up becoming my biggest nightmare. Despite cutting it off, he has not left me alone and keeps harassing me. If I only left it as just a simple “lay” and nothing more, he wouldn’t be in my life now. But I opened the doors to my personal life; I made it more than just a fling because I was so desperately trying to get over someone else. Karma bit me in the ass because I kept the relationship going, knowing I wasn’t truly over someone else. I basically used this person as a rebound for the companionship and love, which someone else wasn’t giving me.
So, aside from my own personal heartbreak and failed relationships, here are the reasons a rebound is never a good idea:
You are using someone to get over someone else.
This situation never ends well. Someone is bound end up heartbroken. If not you, it will be your rebound. Be in a relationship with yourself for a sufficient amount of time before moving on to someone else. Even if this person is a horrible human being, it is not fair to you or this person to open the doors to a potential relationship or ongoing fling just for the simple fact you can’t get over someone else.
No matter what you say, you have a heart and you have feelings. You will develop feelings for your rebound, but those feelings truly aren’t meant for that person. Those feelings will be a reflection of your baggage and leftover emotions from your past relationship. You are using this rebound to fill the void of your ex, but your heart won’t feel the same way.
An ex of mine recently confessed to me that the person he’s been dating for over a year has been a rebound from our relationship all along. I didn’t know whether to feel bad for him or her. It took him a year to realize the feelings he had for me were given to someone else, instead? He never truly developed feelings for this person because his heart belonged to me all along. The moral of the story is, sometimes you just have listen to your heart, not your brain.
You don’t give yourself enough time to figure out what you want
How do you truly know if you are comfortable with yourself if you keep jumping from one relationship to the next? Take this time alone and run wild with it. Take this time to be by yourself, do things on your own and really figure out what you want. Otherwise, you will think you still like the same qualities, personality, and physical attributes you liked of your ex in someone else.
Being alone is amazing.
You are going to be in a relationship or relationships for the rest of your life. Why not be alone now that you just broke up with someone, rather than jumping into another relationship? I know ending relationships hurts and being alone makes you miss that person. But you have to grab onto your strength and test your own strength. Being alone is not bad or pathetic. It’s better to be alone than with someone that you are ultimately miserable with.
Discover yourself; do projects you’ve always wanted to do but couldn’t cause you were in a relationship. Your next lay shouldn’t be your main concern at this point. There are many ways to pleasure yourself, if you know what I mean.
No one will ever love you the way you love yourself. Stop trying to find the love you had with someone else with a person that is truly not worth it. Life is too short, and life is too beautiful to waste your time on someone you know for a fact is nothing more than a physical replacement. Keep in mind: For all you know, your ex has already moved on to someone else and you are just wasting valuable time with the wrong person. That same energy can be given to more productive things like your future and your true happiness.
Focus on yourself. This is your opportunity to do so.
Top Photo Courtesy: Tumblr