How To Survive The Morning After A One-Night Stand Like A Girl Boss

by Brittany Berke
Universal Pictures

Ladies, we all tend to hold high expectations for the kinds of men we have one-night stands with. If you don't do this, then you're probably the one who runs away as fast as you can when he simply asks you to stay for some breakfast.

Many of us are no stranger to that awkward morning-after moment, where we need to bolt to the door as we struggle to gather all of our belongings in that “I'm polite but I'm busting out of this joint” kind of way.

If men think that the morning after is hard to navigate for THEM, they can't imagine what it's like for us.

With that being said, I hope this lends some insight into the ways one can survive that awkward morning-after. You know, before you walk your ass shamefully back home and reflect hard on your life's choices.

Here are five ways to handle one-night stands like a girl boss:

1. The Two Gs: Be Gracious, Be Graceful

Nothing screams confidence more than attitude. I don't mean being a bitch, I mean having an "I'm grateful for having experienced this because it enhanced MY life, NOT yours” kind of attitude. It doesn't get sexier than that.

From personal experience, guys are drawn to a woman who is grateful for their company, but has no qualms about walking out of that door with or without them.

Nothing is more attractive to them than a woman who can enjoy their company, but who's also fine knowing the experience is just an experience. Nothing more, nothing less.

Keep it moving, if they don't catch up that's more than OK. To quote Queen B,“tell em' boy, bye!”

2. Bring Your Makeup Bag (Maybe Include A Toothbrush?)

I don't suggest bringing your makeup bag to impress HIM in the morning. Fuck that. No. I suggest you fixing up before the walk back home, for YOU.

You already feel dirty, so why make it worse for yourself and let the guy at the laundromat know you were sinful last night? What if you run into your boss on the street?

Guys, it's 2016. I think we're well aware that the more we try to avoid people, the more people we will see (like that ex-boyfriend from three years ago, or the friend that told you to go eff yourself back in college).

So avoid the unnecessary anxiety to top off the anxiety you already have and bring the bag.

3. Don't Hide Your Head

In life, people are more likely to look at you if they feel you're trying to hide something. Girl, you ain't got nothin' to hide! You lived your life to the fullest over that much needed weekend and now you're going back home. No secrets, no problem, so OWN it.

It's all about the way you justify it in your mind.

4. Book The Rest Of Your Day Solid

It doesn't matter if you actually need to do something or not, just make sure you have somewhere to be. If you're an over-analyzer like me, you'll go back home and analyze all the ways you could have done things differently (or all the ways the night took a turn for the worst).

No, you don't have time for that. You did the deed, and now it's done.

If the person is meant to play a role in your life, they'll come around. If not, what good is it to sit there and feel shitty all day? You've created a great story to tell your friends and (maybe) someday your grandchildren. You're fine, you're GOOD.

5. Delete Their Number

If they want to contact you, they'll do so. It's not your place to be reaching out to them and begging to hang out.

Although I'm a huge advocate for girl power and don't feel there are “rules," I do feel like deleting their number does one of two things.

First, it frees you from feeling dirty and sinful for the rest of your days when you look down at a number you don't know. Second, it frees you from the inevitable urge you'll get on a lonely night in the future. Depending on the dynamic you guys have established, you can assess this for yourself. However, nine times out of 10, I've found this to be undoubtedly true.

Delete, delete, DELETE.