Carponizer

This Naked Calendar Of Models Holding Fish Will Make You Rethink Everything

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Oh, internet, you never fail to sink to new depths of bizarre and alarming levels.

Just when I thought I had seen everything and hit the back wall of your weirdness, you brought me a beautiful, annual naked calendar, proudly displaying models holding fish up to their naked breasts.

And for that, I applaud you, internet. You crazy, psycho bitch, you.

Carponizer

The German company Carponizer is the creator of this — dare we say — collector's item, and it combines two of society's favorite things: naked women and massive, slimy, even gruesome and likely disease-ridden Carp fish.

Magical.

Carponizer

Jezebel translated the product's description (which is in German) on Amazon as the following:

The erotic Carponizer Carp Calendar 2017 is definitely one of the most extraordinary ideas to present this magnificent fish in an attractive setting. Carponizer has also succeeded this year, every month of the year with courage to create the extraordinary. Twelve magnificent carp will be presented in 2017 with no less attractive women according to the theme. To achieve this impressive result, twelve capitale carp were trapped with great caution in the first step. During the shoot, two competent caretakers were responsible for the well-being of the scaly main actors. Of course, it was also taken care that the magical human models felt as comfortable as possible in the wet element and on the dry. The convincing end result of the shoot consists of twelve impressive and always worth seeing picture motifs for the Carponizer carp calendar 2017. The calendar is a real “must have” for every passionate angler and fish lover. The erotic moments are set aesthetically and artistically in the carp calendar 2017 and give not only the angler tent a special charm. The individual motifs are just as perfect as a purposeful wall decoration. Whether you choose it yourself or as a tasteful gift: the Carponizer Carp Calendar 2017 does not just make men's hearts beat faster. High-quality recordings deserve an at least as noble frame. For this reason, the Carponizer carp calendar 2017 was printed on top-quality offset printing paper. A spiral binding ensures the visually attractive connection of the 30 x 45 centimeter large motif leaves. Now bigger than 30 x 45 cm. Packed in a blister pack. Unique in the quality of the recordings and the print. No comparison to the other available calendars !!
Carponizer

If you don't have the patience to read that, here are the highlights:

"Whether you choose it yourself or as a tasteful gift: the Carponizer Carp Calendar 2017 does not just make men's hearts beat faster."

"The erotic moments are set aesthetically and artistically..."

"During the shoot, two competent caretakers were responsible for the well-being of the scaly main actors. Of course, it was also taken care that the magical human models felt as comfortable as possible in the wet element and on the dry."

Now that we know no humans or animals were harmed in the production of this calendar and that it makes a tasteful gift for any man in your life, you have my permission to buy the product in bulk!

Carponizer

Author and creator of Carponizer Hendrik Pöhler told Maxim,

The idea for the calendar was to bring two of the greatest hobbies of men, fishing and women, together. I remember the day when I was fishing with my friend and at the spot next to us were two hot girls fishing. This was the moment I decided to make this fabulous calendar.

OH, well, when you put it like THAT, it makes SO MUCH MORE SENSE.

Giphy

....Does it, though, internet? Does it?

Citations: I Yet Again Was Not Asked to Model for This Erotic Carp Calendar, But I Was Sent One (Jezebel), Inside My Erotic Carp Calendar Obsession (Maxim)