This Naked Calendar Of Models Holding Fish Will Make You Rethink Everything


Oh, internet, you never fail to sink to new depths of bizarre and alarming levels.

Just when I thought I had seen everything and hit the back wall of your weirdness, you brought me a beautiful, annual naked calendar, proudly displaying models holding fish up to their naked breasts.

And for that, I applaud you, internet. You crazy, psycho bitch, you.


The German company Carponizer is the creator of this — dare we say — collector's item, and it combines two of society's favorite things: naked women and massive, slimy, even gruesome and likely disease-ridden Carp fish.



Jezebel translated the product's description (which is in German) on Amazon as the following:


If you don't have the patience to read that, here are the highlights:

"Whether you choose it yourself or as a tasteful gift: the Carponizer Carp Calendar 2017 does not just make men's hearts beat faster."

"The erotic moments are set aesthetically and artistically..."

"During the shoot, two competent caretakers were responsible for the well-being of the scaly main actors. Of course, it was also taken care that the magical human models felt as comfortable as possible in the wet element and on the dry."

Now that we know no humans or animals were harmed in the production of this calendar and that it makes a tasteful gift for any man in your life, you have my permission to buy the product in bulk!


Author and creator of Carponizer Hendrik Pöhler told Maxim,

OH, well, when you put it like THAT, it makes SO MUCH MORE SENSE.

....Does it, though, internet? Does it?

Citations: I Yet Again Was Not Asked to Model for This Erotic Carp Calendar, But I Was Sent One (Jezebel), Inside My Erotic Carp Calendar Obsession (Maxim)