How To Talk About Using Sex Toys With A Guy
If you didn't already know, research has shown most women need clitoral stimulation to orgasm, as 70 percent of women can't finish from P-in-V sex alone, according to Psychology Today.
I am not that great at math, but I do know enough to understand that most women need some sort of added stimulation in order to come from sex.
While this can sometimes be achieved from sex when a woman is on top or from a hand, another way to easily accomplish this is with — you guessed it — sex toys.
But sex toys can be an awkward topic to bring up in the bedroom because men can feel intimidated and emasculated by their presence. "You need a vibrator in the bedroom? What am I doing wrong?"
The answer to that question is most likely nothing. But for women, achieving an orgasm can be difficult, and frequently, we need a little extra help.
So I asked Dr. Dawn Michael, PhD, about how you can talk to your guy about using sex toys in the bedroom... or any guy. It doesn't have to be your guy. No need to label anything!
1. Keep The Conversation Fun
Don't start crying and say, "Baby, I need more clitoral stimulation! 70 percent of women do!"
Dr. Michael says, "The most important way to approach any sexual situation where you want to introduce conversation, role play, and sex toys is to do it with the idea of having fun. It is another way to explore having fun as well as pleasure."
Keep the conversation light and fun because that's what sex with your partner should be.
2. Reassure Him That He's Not Being Replaced
You are not going to marry your dildo, so your boyfriend shouldn't worry.
But if your partner is nervous about the idea of bringing a sex toy into the bedroom, put him at ease by letting him know it's only adding to the experience, not taking away from his role in it.
Dr. Michael explains,
She can do it in a way that does not threaten him, where she can say, 'I would like to put on a show for you' or 'I would enjoy showing you how I masturbate.' Most men love this and will be more than happy to watch and join in. Show him how it does not replace him but enhances the sexual experience.
3. Let Him Watch You First
Don't just bring up the topic of vibrators while you're in the middle of dinner or watching a football game.
Dr. Michael says you two should talk about it "when [you're] talking about things [you] enjoy":
One could be 'hey, you want to have some fun in the bedroom?' or 'I want to show you something that I enjoy, would you like to watch?' or 'let's play a game; I show you something I like, and you show me something you like.'
In order for him to know what you like, show him.
"All of these promote playfulness, pleasure, and sexual confidence. Stay clear of heavy conversation or making a big deal out of it. Keep it relaxed and casual when talking about it," she continues.
Remember, you are absolutely entitled to an orgasm, just as much as your partner is. So if you need a little extra help, definitely consider adding sex toys into your bedroom routine.
When you bring up the conversation with your guy, just make it light and fun. It's no big deal, and everyone's doing it.