Bodies are weird. Sometimes, a body gets hot and bothered by a billboard featuring Oscar Isaac on the commute home, and other times a body fails to get revved up even though it's finally copulating with its crush of a year. Yes, I am in fact talking about my body, as I have gotten turned on at the supermarket. (And I wasn't even in the v phallic produce department.)
I find it strange that my libido sometimes goes into hiding exactly when I want it to come out and say "hi" instead. I also find it embarrassing that I might like food so much that shopping for it turns me on. So, I need to figure out how to get turned on quickly in the right moment. Like, ideally, when my partner is equally ready to get down to business.
1. Use Your Imagination
Role play, fantasize, do cosplay — whatever your flavor of playing pretend is. Adding creativity to your sex life is a well-known way to heat things up.
However, sometimes these imaginary scenarios seem more like porn-inspired enhancements than real, tangible ways to get turned on. I'm not going to throw on a nurse's outfit every time I'm not quite tingly down there yet. (I also just do not get that fantasy; I hate going to the doctor.)
If role playing feels intimidating to you, too, Moyle says that using your imagination in more discreet, simple ways can also get you turned on: "Our imagination is the best form of turn on that we have, as it is tailored to our specific wants and needs," she explains. "So engaging the imagination and then using the senses to enhance is a great way of encouraging arousal and desire."
You can start by closing your eyes and imagining what you would like your partner to do to you, or imagining a particularly sexy time from the past. Imaginations are powerful AF.
2. Read A Bedtime Story
No, not Goodnight Moon. Erotic fiction or even just a sexy article can turn you on in no time at all. I mean, our ability as women to get very turned on by reading is why 50 Shades Of Grey netted $95 million.
"Reading erotica is a great way [to feel] turned on, as you start to create images in your head of what you are reading about will look like," explains Moyle.
If you're not sure where to start, and you'd like to feel kind of proper in your salacious literary pursuits, check out Anaïs Nin's Delta of Venus. She was an essayist born in 1903 who had no problem writing racy stories about sex. Talk about a feminist.
Check out this "sophisticated erotica" and see if there's a particular story that does the trick, then bookmark it on your phone for easy access.
3. Touch Yourself With Something Fun
Like a feather... seriously. Moyle says that touching all over the body with a material that feels good, like silk or a feather, is another great way to get turned on as soon as possible. Creating actual sensation in the body through touch will certainly steam things up.
If you don't have a soft feather to stroke your legs with, or you have anxiety around bird flu, you can also try touching yourself with something fun like a vibrator. There are so many toys out there for you and your partner to try out — the thrill of something new will definitely get you going.
And if you're feeling shy about walking into a sex shop? Check out these awesome subscription services that deliver naughty things right to your door. Still too much? Try your own fingers.
4. Make A Weird Rule To Liven Things Up
I know it sounds counterintuitive, but putting parameters on the sex you and your partner have can actually make it more interesting... and much hotter. Moyle explains that setting limits when couples are getting turned on together can increase excitement for the actually deed.
"[Try] no touching on or below the underwear for 10 minutes," she says. "This way, the challenge builds up a feeling of suspense and anticipation and helps give the body time to respond."
You don't have to go full Christian Grey and bind each other up or whatever he does. (I actually never read the books. Don't @ me.) Rules don't have to be borderline abusive or in the realm of S&M to be tantalizing. I feel like staying blindfolded could be a fun thing to try (if you remove all sharp objects from the bed).
Next time you're not on the same "I'm-turned-on-let's-F-now" schedule as your partner, try one of these fun ways to get yourself in the mood. These tried and true little tips will have you going from 0 to 100 real quick. (Shoutout to Drake for the lyrics.) Have fun.
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