We’ve all probably been in one situation or another in which we’re forced into the dilemma of breaking up with someone we’re not actually dating. The question of how it even got to that level is completely irrelevant at this point because, regardless, you’re in a sh*tty situation. The tricky part is: how do you get out of it? Hopefully, you can drop some clues that would make the other person take the hint, but in situations like this, it is not always the case.
Each “relationship” is unique and as such must be evaluated on its own merit. Do you hook up frequently during the week? Do you only meet up when drunk? Or do you engage in normal couple activities but haven’t defined what you are yet? Some situations do not need to be openly addressed if they want to be concluded, such as meeting up when drunk, but if you are going out to frequent meals with this person and having date nights, well you are definitely more than hook up buddies.
You spent ample amounts of time with this person, so you owe them the courtesy and decency of having an open conversation. Honesty is the best policy in these situations, so there is no room for misunderstanding. Your relationship is already confusing because you are acting like a couple without defining it as such.
Let’s look at different scenarios and the best way to handle each.
Hooking Up While Drunk
If the only times you are hanging out with this person is after 1 a.m. when you are both inebriated, chances are you don’t need to tell them when you’re bored of the arrangement. If you regularly talk and are friends however, the situation changes. If you want to keep your friendship intact, but you don’t want to continue hooking up with this person, you need to be direct. This person is your friend after all and you do not want to insult him or her. Just simply explain that you see yourself better as friends and that should be sufficient enough.
If you went on one date and are just not feeling it, it is more than okay...sh*t happens. Chances are if you’re not feeling it neither is the other person so that should give you some peace of mind. Hopefully, after the date, neither person contacts the other, but unfortunately this doesn’t always happen. In this situation, you can either respond something along the lines of: it was nice going out with you, but I think we’re going in different directions/looking for different things. If not, honestly, you can just not respond and the person will most likely take the hint.
So your first couple of dates went great, but now you’re getting deeper into relationship territory. Maybe this person has done something that has completely turned you off or at this point, you are just not feeling it. Usually this is more one-sided or you wouldn’t have even made it this far in the first place. You can’t just ignore the other person’s calls or messages, because you are in some sort of relationship, whether you want to recognize it or not. You owe this person as honest of an explanation as possible; the key here is to be direct but not offensive. Be honest to an extent and hold back the parts that would insult the other person outright.
What Not To Do:
Don’t Ask Why:
It’s clear that it isn’t working out and that should be enough. Asking the reasoning behind this dissolution isn’t going to change the outcome or make you feel better, honestly just don’t ask -- take it for what it is.
Don’t Bitch About It To Your Friends:
All this will do is make you seem like a delusional dater. You will go through many relationships in your life and the majority will be short lived. When it’s a big deal and there’s a possible future, then it’s time to consult your friends.
Don’t Pursue Conversation:
If this relationship has ceased, don’t bother the other person; yes, this includes drunk texting. This will only make you seem foolish and you can bet this other person is mocking you with his or her friends.
There’s no reason to dwell on any of the aforementioned situations. This was a fleeting relationship and one that hopefully taught you a valuable lesson. That’s the only thing you should carry with you into your future. Not every relationship is meant to last, so don’t linger on where you think it went wrong, you will only confuse yourself.
Top photo courtesy: Theo Gosselin/Tumblr, his photos are awesome so make sure you check them out!