Everyone has a secret soft spot for intimacy.
While you shouldn't shy away from that loud, sweaty, animalistic sex that's basically a workout session, going full "The Notebook" and whipping out some soothing R&B tunes and scented candles is never a bad thing.
Romance is the key in any relationship, and if you're looking to connect on a much more personal level, you need to experience sex as more than just a thing where you stick it in, grunt aggressively and roll over.
Women (and some gay men, like myself) aren't always looking to get off and go to bed.
We appreciate interest in things other than our sex organs, and if we're going to keep up with the banging, we'd like to develop something that feels real.
That's why, when a guy who's eager to please his girlfriend took to Reddit in the hopes of finding the key to making sex more loving and tender, plenty of people were ready to help.
Here's their best advice for making sex more romantic:
This person recommends not always focusing on the orgasm:
Make it NOT about any orgasm. Neither yours nor hers. Make it about connecting, feeling each other.. all that stuff that sounds horribly corny but every once in a while will absolutely melt you inside (even though there's nothing wrong with the alternative of having your brains fucked out the other 99 % of the time). You already got lots of suggestions from others about foreplay, but that isn't over once you get to the actual PIV. Penetrate her, then stop. Don't move your penis, but use your hands to caress her, hold her close, cup her face, stroke her hair. Kiss her gently until she BEGS for you to fuck her. Additonal bonus: In my experience, the less sex is about my orgasm, the more O's I'll end up getting :)) Edit: typos — /u/sleepyjackie
This person recommends more foreplay:
F O R E P L A Y Seriously. stroke her inner thigh, kiss her neck all the way down to her vagina, finger her a bit, grab her butt. Plenty of things to do. — /u/iNNEAR
This person recommends starting with a good make-out:
I would recommend slowing things down, so basically start off with a slow make out session, while the 2 of you are making out, use your hands to lightly brush her skin all over her body, don't touch the breasts and vagina at all yet, then while still having your hands all over her body you can start kissing her om her cheek and work your way to her neck, while at her neck you can softly nibble her ear and whisper how much you love her and how much she means to you in her ear, then from there ask her to lie down on her stomach and kiss her all over her body, and use your tongue aswel, but never go for the nipple or vagina, kiss everywhere you can, including behind her ear,arms and in the fold opposite the knee, make sure to come back up every so often to kiss her neck and whisper things in her ear. Eventually after a good hour of doing the back side of her body, you can ask her to turn around, then start all over again with some sensual kissing and then work your way down, but this time throw in some teasing too, as in lightly brush over her nipple once but don't linger, then kiss from under her chin straight down to her vagina, give it a little peck and move on to the crease between the inner thigh and vagina, and just work your way around like that, eventually you will be able to pay more attention to her sex zones and work from there. Sorry for the rubbish layout, I am on my phone. — /u/johnsnow1115
This person recommends taking things slowly:
I don't think you need to worry too much about a makeout session being confused as casual rather than sex-oriented. Just do it at the time of the day/week in which you normally have sex and she will get the idea. So basically the best advice I can think of for this is to go sloooooow. With, like, everything. Take your time as you make out, even before the clothes go off. Stroke her body slowly (whichever parts she likes, and don't jump to her boobs or ass right off the bat, legs, thighs, neck, there are tons of other places that should get attention). Undress slowly. Do foreplay slowly. Do slow thrusts when you get to PIV. Basically, most parts of sex get automatically more romantic the slower you do them. Don't be afraid to stop touching places or stop PIV to go back to making out, that tends to build up anticipation the payoff will be worth it. — /u/Karpattata
This person recommends trying something new:
Sounds like she wants you to make love to her, as opposed to fucking. She may also be hinting that she needs more time to 'get there.' Foreplay should take at least 10-15 minutes and up to an hour or so. There are piles of things to do in foreplay. Way more options than penetration alone. Learn them all, try them all, then go for the goal. — /u/Emack76
This person recommends massages and candles in the bedroom:
Sensual massages, candles to make the room smell really great, rnb music or something sexy, I like silk- meeting in my bedroom. Lots of foreplay, make sure you taste her orally and assure her that you love doing it, and that she tastes really good. I usually just man handle my wife and hold her up when eating her pussy so she cant squirm away when she cums. Kiss her neck, lick her ears this gets girls crazy in my experience, kiss her inner thighs, lick and suck on her tits but not too hard, pay attention to her body language. Just a few suggestions :) — /u/LostOne88
This person recommends asking for her definition of "romance":
Got a brilliant idea. Ask her exactly what she defines as "romantic sex". We can give you all the ideas you want here, but she will likely mention the ones she wants first and those are the ones you should focus on anyway. For example I hate romantic sex and I mostly enjoy the PIV. If my partner came on here and asked, people might say to do certain things like go faster or harder. But the biggest thing for me would probably be how my partner reacts and speaks during the PIV. So some actions count for more than others. The only way to know what those actions are is to ask her. — /u/ProfessorX_X_X
This person recommends talking more during sex:
More foreplay is a great thing, and there are plenty of good tips in this tread, but talking and making a connection is equally as important to romantic sex. Talk to her during sex! Compliment her and her body. Describe her body, tell her about what you love about it. Tell her how good it feels to hold her, how much you want her. Tell her how happy and lucky you are to be with her. Tell her about something sexy you noticed that she did earlier in the day or week. Describe what you are doing, and what you are going to do. — /u/kirke0222
This person recommends some soft, romantic touches:
What everyone else has mentioned pretty much covers it. I wanted to specifically address how you differentiate cuddling touching from romantic sex touching. Basically, relatively early on in the touching, graze your fingers over her pussy and then return to the less overtly sexual places for a while. This specifically indicates your intent for sex, but then returning to the more romantic/cuddly touching indicates romance. Keep mixing overtly sexual touching in more and more until you are ready to finger her or give her oral. — /u/Fey456
This person recommends focusing on location and ambiance:
With women, the location and the ambiance / atmosphere is often just as important as making love. Try giving her a nice bath with sensual music and candles. Foot and back massage, if you can get into it for real, not just pretend, is a good warm-up. Try things like blindfolding her and then kissing every part of her body. Have some "fun" sex, like exploring your bodies, tickling, playing doctor, running your hands all over her body. Do things to make her laugh. Also, try asking her what she likes! — /u/DrFrenchkiss
This person recommends taking cues from sensual porn:
When I got with my current SO he told me he liked romantic sex. I immediately turned to my best friend and was like "I don't think I've ever done that,". So I watched a lot of romantic or sensual porn and had to kind of follow along. Sounds stupid but he understands it's not my strongest element and he takes pride in teaching me things the slow way. I initiated once by starting a romantic massage video, got out my body oil, and just kind of did what they did. I felt silly but he liked it. Ask her if a massage like that would be something she's into. There's lots of ways to have romantic sex, as I'm learning. — /u/powerlessidc
This person recommends working your way around her body:
It has been said before, but worth repeating: Foreplay, foreplay and more foreplay. Stroke, then kiss her inner thighs. Gentle massage starting on the back of her neck and all the way to her hips. (Try massaging her upper back and then rub her thru her pants at the same time. Rub her temples from behind, then work down her body from there. — /u/Been28years
Romance is important for any successful relationship, so don't be afraid to broaden your horizons!