5 Things Gay Guys Can Do To Resist Sleeping With Their Friends
I'm a gay man, and I don't have that many gay friends.
While I often tend to credit that to my life being just too hectic for another circle of people, I know in the back of my mind it's because it's so goddamn hard to see them as just that dreaded "F" word.
While some gay men like to argue against the over-sexualized stigma our community faces that we'll fuck anything that moves, it's just way too hard to get around it.
When we see someone we happen to find even the slightest bit attractive, we'll make sure it's known (in whatever fashion we may choose).
Now, it's not to say every interaction with another male needs to be of a sexual nature. Sometimes, like during a full moon or an oddly timed leap year, you'll find there's plenty to talk about when you manage to keep your hands to yourself.
One of my closest friends just happens to be a former Tinder flame, who, after deciding we were better off staying platonic, has transitioned into person I turn to first for advice... and frankly, just about everything else in my life.
Whether it's been a serious talking to, a shoulder to cry on or a bowl to smoke from, I've become extremely thankful to have him there at all.
Other friends think it's unhealthy. In the gay community, I think that's just how it works.
Now, aside from the relationship I mentioned earlier, I do have other gay friends where nothing sexual has ever even crossed my mind. I have tastes, I have preferences and I know how to keep it in my pants.
This ultimate recipe for success when it comes to friendship involves a good balance of general interest and the proper mindset in situations where you might feel there's potential for things to go awry.
Below are a few ways to resist the dreaded temptation of sleeping with your friend:
1. One-on-one time shouldn't really be a thing.
If you truly think there's an undeniable attraction with one of your friends but you're not prepared to cut them out of your lives completely, make a conscious effort to avoid being with them alone.
While that may sound extremely unnecessary, the idea of hanging out as an exclusive duo could cause you to think things are shifting into more than they actually are.
In other words, do not watch a movie in your bed with the lights off. And whatever you do, keep your pants on at all times.
Do not watch a movie in your bed with the lights off. And whatever you do, keep your pants on.
2. Keep doing you. (That means date, date, date.)
Trying to keep up with dating is most definitely a full-time job, so it's understandable if you feel exhausted even when it comes to a simple swipe.
But that shouldn't deter you from keeping your opinions open and falling into the routine of finding a hookup wherever it's convenient (which more often than not, ends up being someone in your immediate friend circle).
It's important to put yourself out there and date... or try to date, at least.
It's important to put yourself out there and date... or try to date, at least.
Whether it's on a lunch break or while I'm laying starfish in my bed after a long day, I always find some time to check out my recent matches in hopes I'll find that unexpected connection.
3. Establish some ground rules.
Sometimes, a hookup can ultimately transition and blossom into a great friendship, similar to the situation I mentioned above.
In my case, we voiced our opinions and our thoughts, and truly made sure we were on the same page about how we felt.
Was it easy? My god, absolutely not. As the one who wasn't exactly keen on cutting things off cold turkey, it took some extra time to be accustomed to hanging out fully dressed.
After a few months, things became more casual, and any prior thoughts I had (or hoped for) dissipated.
As he became someone who I began to envision as more of a best friend than a boyfriend, I accepted it for what it was and made that shit work.
4. Make an effort to keep yourself active.
Ever consider a casual post-work activity to take your mind off humping your bud? Well, you should.
Ever consider a casual post-work activity to take your mind off humping your bud? Well, you should.
There are an array of sports leagues, intramural teams and just all-around fun activities you can participate in that'll have you focusing on teamwork instead of who's the top and who's the bottom.
Also, you'll soon come to learn the very important rule of “don't shit where you eat.” As a member of a large dance company, I have no desire to hook up with any of the guys I rehearse alongside of, in fear of things falling apart and causing a rift between everyone else involved.
Gossip spreads fast, my friends. And if you're like me, you'll agree it's never fun to be at the center of it.
5. Disregard looks when it comes to friendship.
Sure, it's OK to have a type when trying to date, but the same criteria doesn't necessarily need to apply when in pursuit of a friend.
Sometimes, it's natural to apply your dating standards to anyone in your life, but developing a bond with someone who isn't necessarily your sexual cup of tea may make you less likely to want to shack up with them.
Develop a bond with someone who isn't necessarily your sexual cup of tea.
Disregarding looks in this area would certainly take away that temptation and help to avoid any complications down the road.
Who knows, this almost-lover-turned-friend may be that helpful voice of reason — and the ultimate solution — to problems like this in your life.
