What It Means To Have A Sex Dream About A Friend Coming Onto You, From An Expert

by Candice Jalili
Kylah Benes-Trapp/Shutterstock

A while ago, I collaborated with famed dream expert, Lauri Loewenberg, to decode any and all of your freakiest sex dreams.  And I've had a guilty conscience about it ever since.

I know there are far freakier sex dreams than the 22 general concepts that are mentioned on that list. We all have deeply personal, weirdly detailed dreams that we sometimes just can't seem to shake out of our heads. 

Like, WHY did you dream about that guy from the grocery store yesterday? WHY was he wearing a top hat and nothing else?! What does it mean? Do you have to tell your boyfriend? Are you actually into the weird grocery store guy?!

So, I've decided to start a column. You guys can submit your sex dreams here, and we will have Lauri interpret one dream a week.

This week, we have 18-year-old Lainey*, who had a dream about being pressured to have sex by someone she didn't necessarily want to sleep with:

I didn't necessarily have sex in my dream, but I was being pressured into it. I'm in a house or an outdoor apartment, like the ones in Florida, where the apartment doors go to the outside and everyone shares a balcony. The light outside seemed like it was night, but it still seemed like morning light was trying to pierce through. I go downstairs to a friend's room. We hang out and stuff, but eventually, his wife leaves. Later, he starts asking me for sexual favors. At first, I refuse, but I start passively agreeing to it eventually. At the end, I always avoid these meetings, and he, again, keeps asking for me. I end up agreeing, and so on. Then, after his last attempt, I finally show up, but his wife shows up as well. I'm fully clothed across the room, and he is on the couch, exposed. And he gets very angry and won't look at me. A little startled, I slip away to where the wall should be, but I pass by columns and see people who I know. They all look at me or pretend I'm not there, but their presence is cold. I can tell they disapprove of me, and I felt very alone. At the same time, I was upset, because I knew I didn't do anything. But I still let it happen. I've been trying to find answers to what this dream means, but nothing seems to answer this dream specifically.

Here's Lauri's interpretation:

Let's start at the end, because that is usually the most important part of the dream. People are cold and disapproving of you over something you didn't do... or rather, that you never followed through with. In real life, is anyone upset with you lately? If not, then ask yourself if YOU are the one upset with yourself. I'll bet the answer to that is yes. (We gals tend to be very hard on ourselves.) Your dream is using sex and this male friend to symbolize something you are uncomfortable doing.
Your dream is using sex and this male friend to symbolize something you are uncomfortable doing.
Is this a real life friend? If so, is there anything about him that makes you uncomfortable? If not, then he could symbolize what we in the dream psychology field call "the animus," which is the male energy within all of us. (Female energy is called the anima, btw.) Typically, male energy is the part of you that is assertive or "ballsy," so to speak. (Female energy is the part of you that is sensitive and nurturing.) Has anything been going on lately where you need to connect with and utilize your assertive male energy? Do you need to grow some balls and handle something? The way you kept avoiding having sex with the guy in your dream gives me a sneaky suspicion that something is going on where you need to "man up" and assert yourself, and THAT is what you are uncomfortable doing in your real life. Be honest with yourself when I ask you this: Do you often get mad at yourself in real life because you didn't put your foot down or take a more assertive position in various situations? If the answer is yes, this is exactly the issue your dream is addressing. And the pressure you are getting in the dream is actually pressure you are putting on yourself. I believe this is why you felt very alone at the end of your dream. This is the way your wise, dreaming mind is pointing out to you that you, and you alone, are the only one that can handle or correct your issues. And most of the time, balls are a pretty handy tool in doing so.

I hope this was helpful to Lainey and anyone else who had a dream about someone pressuring them into having sex.

If you have your own sex dream you'd like to have Lauri interpret, feel free to email it to us at And read our last installment here.

*Name has been changed.