I don't care who you are or how morally upright you may be — sex dreams happen. And more often than not, they're really f*cking (ha, literally) weird.
We've all had that feeling of waking up and thinking, “WHERE DID THAT COME FROM?! WHAT KIND OF SICK PERVERT AM I?”
I had a dream about a random kid from my high school last year. And when I say random, I mean RANDOM. We were, at best, friendly acquaintances. He wasn't even in my grade! But there I was, four years after high school ended, having a creepy, pervy dream about him. WHAT was wrong with me? HOW could I ever face him again knowing I have this weird subconscious thing for him?
So I decided to go to famed dream expert
Lauri Loewenberg to find out once and for all where those pervy dreams come from and what they say about our subconscious minds.
Thank the LORD that Lauri managed to use her expertise to make me feel less like a total freak.
Lauri started off by telling me that having pervy sex dreams don't make us quite as pervy as we thought:
Sex in a dream is rarely about sex at all! (Sorry to take the fun out of it.)
In most cases, sex in a dream is not about a physical union you want, but rather [it's about] a psychological union you need or want. It's all about having or needing a psychological connection with the person in your dream or merging a particular quality that person has into your own personality.
There's a magic rule to apply when figuring out your sex dreams: Pick three words that first come to mind when thinking of that person. Of those three qualifiers, is there one that would benefit you right now if you were to incorporate it into your own personality? Voila! That's what that person represents and that's why you're having sex in the dream.
So don't freak out. You're not weird or creepy, and you don't ACTUALLY want to bone your best friend's boyfriend, your boss, or your brother. There is just a psychological union you're craving there. And each sort of craving symbolizes something different.
Now that we've got that covered, skim through this list. Find your craziest dream (or maybe your most normal — your life, your rules!) and let Lauri explain what your subconscious is really trying to tell you.
Incestuous sex These dreams have major "Ew!" factor, but remember, everything and everyone in your dream is usually symbolic of some part of you so it depends on which relative is your partner in the dream.
Your father will most likely symbolize your ability to bring home the bacon and manage said bacon (as that is the traditional role of the father in our dreams).
Do you need to improve your financial skills? If it's a sibling, then what quality stands out the most about that sibling? For example, I had one of those dreams about my brother! He's a computer wiz, and at the time I was trying to step up my website. That dream was telling me to integrate someone with my brother's IT skills and someone I could trust like my brother into my team. Sex with a co-worker This one is super common and can make it difficult to face your co-worker the next day. If you already have the hots for this particular co-worker, well ... a cigar's just a cigar, and you are safely exploring the possibilities. But if this is someone you wouldn't touch with a 10-foot pole, fear not.
Your naughty dream is either because you recently connected with that co-worker on some level or there is something about the co-worker you need to incorporate into yourself. Does he or she stay calm, cool and collected under pressure? Does the boss really like him or her? Does he or she really know how to close a deal?
Your subconscious may feel there is some quality they possess that would be beneficial to you if you were to take it on as your own. Gay sex (when you're straight) These dreams can certainly cause us to question our sexuality. But if, other than the dream, you are certain you are straight, then don't worry. Most often, girl-on-girl or guy-on-guy dreams are really about the quality of the gender your dream partner possesses. Typically, a female partner would be about incorporating a more nurturing, creative or sensitive element into your personality.
It's actually very common to have a girl-on-girl dream during pregnancy because there is nothing more female than carrying and giving life. A male partner -- for a guy -- is often all about being assertive and manly! These sort of dreams can happen when he's bulking up, when he lands a hot date or gets a promotion ... something that has caused him to really appreciate being a guy.
But if the partner in your dream is someone you may actually know, then you should first ask yourself if the two of you connected on some level recently, had a deep conversation or just came to a certain understanding. It could also very well be about a particular quality that stands about them ... which would mean it's that quality, not the person, that you need to merge into your own personality.
The dreaming mind is very sexually fluid. ;-) Straight sex (when you're gay) Sometimes these dreams can be caused by societal pressure to be what is considered normal and acceptable, especially if you haven't come out yet. But if you're out and proud, then these dreams are, again, either more about the typical qualities of the gender or about the particular qualities of your dream partner -- if you know them. Sex with a close friend If this is someone whom you would like to be "more than friends" with, then ... duh! If not, then this dream happened because you probably connected in a newer or deeper way recently.
But again, back to the golden rule: What three qualities stand out about this person? Which of those qualities are you currently trying to incorporate into your own self? Threesome If you are actually considering a threesome in real life, this dream is allowing you to safely experience it so that you can better gauge whether it is for you or not. Our dreams often provide us with "dress rehearsal" for a real-life situation to help us make better decisions in regards to it.
If you're not considering a threesome, and the dream is with your current partner and an additional person, then there is likely some new element you are bringing into your relationship -- for example, working out together -- that should be enjoyable and beneficial to you equally.
So pay attention to whether there is equally distributed attention and enjoyment in the dream as it will reflect how you anticipate things will go in real life. Watching two other people have sex together This dream is a good indication that you are being passive in your life at the moment, or are on the sidelines in some waking life situation. Ask yourself in what area of your life are you feeling left out. Are others around you following their "passion" and you aren't? Have you not found your passion yet? Sex with an animal No, you do not secretly wish to experience bestiality, so don't freak out about this dream! Remember, there really aren't moral lines in dreaming, because it is a symbolic language rather than a literal one. And also remember that sex dreams are rarely about a physical union you want but rather a psychological union you need.
The animal in your dream will represent a quality you need to or are currently incorporating into your own personality. Apply the golden rule here: What are the first three things that come to mind when thinking about the nature of the animal in your dream? For example, a dog is loyal, obedient, a companion. Are you working on or need to incorporate loyalty or being a better friend into your personality?
I once had a client who dreamed of having sex with a dinosaur! To her, the nature of dinosaurs was that they are extinct, no longer around. I asked her what in her life or what part of herself is no longer around that she wants to bring back. Well, she had her tubes tied 10 years earlier and was getting them "un-tied" so she could try to have a baby with her new husband ... she thought her ability to become a mother was extinct. Sex with a random person from high school Many elements in our dreams seem random. But let me assure you NOTHING is EVER random in a dream. The wise dreaming mind carefully picks and chooses what it wants to use in the storyline of the dream in order to get a message across to you.
The way to figure it out is to again apply that golden rule: What three things do you remember most about that person from high school? Of those three qualities you chose, which one would be useful to you right now? That is what that person represents. Was this person on the football team? Then maybe there is something you need to tackle head on right now. Was this person really shy? Are you being shy right now?
See how it works? Sex with an ex This one is soooooooo common! Was he your first love? Strangely enough, we continue to dream about our first loves, even if we've moved on into a happy marriage. Don't worry -- it's not that you want him back; it's that you want what he represents back: excitement, bubbles, passion! You are likely to get these dreams when your marriage gets a little too routine and humdrum, as all marriages do from time to time.
Your dream is using your ex to remind you of the passion that is still alive inside of you! These dreams are actually good for you and are alerting you to the fact that the passion department doesn't want to become a thing of the past. Might be a good idea to get thyself down to Victoria's Secret and buy something red and lacy.
The exes we tend to dream about the most are our first love, an ex we still have ties to because of children or other circumstances and the ex that most recently broke our heart or was absolutely horrible to us.
Dreaming of the ex that broke your heart or that was horrible can be a sign that you are stuck emotionally. These dreams are a clear indication that you have not healed, in which case the dreams will continue until you let go and leave the past in the past. It is impossible to move forward while you are still holding on to what is behind you. Sex with an old crush Please see the section above [on sex with an ex]. In addition, [this dream] can also mean there is something new and exciting in your life like a new idea or project that brings about the same feelings of your first crush. Sex with your boss In the case of your boss, it is most likely power, authority, management skills, decision making, etc. that you need to merge into your own life. Do you need to take on the role of boss at home and better manage those unruly kids? Are you facing a tough decision? Do you need to fire or get rid of a certain element, person or behavior in your life?
Or perhaps you simply need to merge with your boss psychologically in order to deal with a client or project. The message of the boss dream is: Time to take charge! Being decisive and authoritative would suit you well now. Rape In real life, rape isn't about sex but more about power and control. The same is true in dreams. To be raped in a dream suggests that you may be feeling taken advantage of in real life. Ask yourself if someone is trying to manipulate your or is forcing their thoughts and opinions on you or using you for their gain. Sex with a stranger I call this the "mystery lover dream," and it is the most common of all sex dreams. Many of us wonder if this dream is actually a glimpse of our soulmate who might be out there somewhere waiting for us. Alas, it is not so.
But what is so is that the unknown, faceless man or woman that often appears in our dreams does indeed hold significance. Our dreams have a cool way of showing us the different parts of our personality in the form of a person so we can gain a deeper understanding of ourselves and what makes us tick.
That being said, the mystery lover in your dreams is the embodiment, the personification of the qualities we tend to associate with that gender. If you are a woman, the mystery man represents your male personality traits: the part of you that can be assertive, speak your mind, bring home the bacon, handle your business and even squish the spider in the tub!
You find yourself very attracted to person in the dream because your dreaming mind wants you to be attracted to the qualities he or she represents that are already a part of you. Time to recognize the male assertive energy or the female sensitive energy within you. Merge these opposite qualities into your personality just as you merged your bodies in the dream so that you can be courageous and take charge when you must and be tender and compassionate when you want. Sex with someone you just started seeing Remember how I mentioned that dreams can serve the purpose of dress rehearsal? Well, while the dream can't really provide you with what kind of lover this person actually is, it can certainly provide you with the insight you need to know as far as how sexually attracted you are to the person.
If the dream got you seriously hot and bothered, you can know for sure that there is chemistry there. But if the dream troubled you, then... Sex with someone you are dating Again, sometimes a cigar is a cigar. But it could also reflect that you two have recently connected on a deeper level. Sex with someone you're dating, but it's actually not him/her (different face, etc.) This is a good indication that he or she has shown you a new side of themselves ... and you really dig it! That is, unless the dream left you feeling unsettled. In that case, ask yourself if he or she has shown you a new side that you aren't comfortable with and [that makes you] feel you may be in too deep. Sex with your platonic friend who is taken Ask yourself first if there was an emotional or psychological connection recently between the two of you. That would be the most common reason. If not, then apply the magic rule: What three qualities stand out about that person? Do you need to apply, or are you actively applying, one of those qualities to yourself right now? Sex with your friend's significant other Are you attracted sexually to this person? If so, keep it in your head! If not, have you recently connected on some level over a shared interest or in a meaningful conversation? If not, refer to the magic rule. Your partner having sex with someone else (cheating) These dreams can be infuriating, worrisome and the cause of many a slap across the face first thing in the morning! As upsetting as these dreams can be, the good news is that they rarely indicate that your mate is getting pleasure elsewhere.
They do suggest, however, that something (rather than someone) is taking the time and attention from your mate that you feel you deserve. Something is beginning to feel like a third wheel in the relationship, like work, golf, fantasy football, etc. Cheating dreams can actually fan the flames in your relationship (even if you are the one doing the cheating in the dream)!
Once you can pinpoint what it is your mate is “cheating on you” with, it's time to compromise. Offer to give up or cut back on something your mate isn't a big fan -- [as long as] he or she promises to cut back on the activity that is causing you feel left out. If you both stick to the compromise, you'll find that the dreams will stop.
The message of the cheating dream: Something has become a third wheel in this relationship. Time to merge more time for each other into your schedule, no matter how busy you may be! Sex with someone who is not your partner If you're the one cheating in the dream, you're the one guilty of giving too much focus and time to something outside of the relationship. Are you spending too much time at work or with friends or some other project that does not involve your mate? Sex with someone you hate This one is a real head-scratcher, but the meaning is powerful. Be a lover, not a fighter. In other words, your wise, dreaming mind knows that hate is wasted energy.
The dream is urging you to come to some sort of understanding with that person. Either try to connect with them over some shared interest to get rid of the hate, or -- if that is beyond the realm of possibility -- take it as a lesson, and incorporate that lesson into your mindset.
There you have it -- all of your weirdest, craziest, wildest, creepiest sex dreams, decoded. Have more? Comment below!
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