This week, we have a submission from Eloise* who dreams about cheating on her perfect boyfriend with her shitty ex:
I've been in the most loving relationship in my life. This guy is hands down 'the one' for me. No one has ever taken care of me, loved me or respected me like him. He's made a better woman out of me. However, I keep having these dreams about my ex. I keep having dreams where, somehow, I'm dating both my current BF and my ex at the same time. I know it isn't right, and I always tell myself, 'You need to let the ex know he's an ex.'
I keep having dreams where, somehow, I'm dating both my current BF and my ex at the same time.
It's not that I'm repulsed by having the ex in the dream, but it's more that I'm just confused and left wondering why he's there.
At one point, in my dream, I came to a point where I even kissed my ex. Then, I went right ahead and smacked him in the face and told him never to do it again. Things don't feel wrong with my ex, but it doesn't feel as right as it does with my current boyfriend either. I'm afraid to tell my current boyfriend about my dreams.
BTW, things ended super terribly between me and my ex. I was extremely heartbroken, and there were days where I used to just sit and cry in fetal position. But those days are completely behind me now.
Here's Lauri's interpretation:
How wonderful that you are in a healthy, supportive and loving relationship... and that you recognize it! The dreams about your ex are actually trying to help you keep your current relationship healthy, believe it or not. Our dreams serve many purposes, and one of them is to shine a spotlight on areas of our life and in our mindset that need a little correction.
The dreams about your ex are actually trying to help you keep your current relationship healthy.
You say your past with the ex is 100 percent behind you. Your dreams say otherwise. There is something you are still holding on to, and your dreams are trying to bring it to your attention before it becomes an issue in your current relationship. That's why the past and the present have collided in your dreams. You made it a point to mention that the breakup was terrible and left you broken. That might be where the answer lies. What remains from that breakup? Insecurity? Anger? Resentment? You kiss your ex in the dream, then smack him and tell him never to do that again. It's interesting because you didn't say that he kissed you, so you are blaming and punishing him for what you did. This may very well correlate to your breakup.
Are you blaming him for something you had a part in? And just as you tell your ex never to do that again, what went down in that relationship — or in that breakup — that you should never do again? I'm betting you really want this current relationship to last, and your wise, dreaming mind wants that, too, so it is reminding you of what NOT to do this time around, as well as what you need to let go of. That's why you tell yourself in the dream that you need to let your ex know he's an ex. In other words, you need to let yourself know what made him an ex AND that whatever emotions or thoughts that remain from the breakup need to be an ex part of your life as well. Remember, you cannot move forward if you are hanging on to what is behind you.
You cannot move forward if you are hanging on to what is behind you.
Having a dream about an ex sucks. Pretty sure we've all been there.
And if you're some sort of emotionless robot who has somehow managed to bypass this horrible experience, let me paint you a picture of what it feels like.
It's like you're FINALLY managing to get through days without even thinking about him, when he texts you saying he "misses" you. Yeah, that feeling.
The feeling is even WORSE when you're in a loving, happy, new relationship with someone who's not your shitty ex. Not only do you feel like a pathetic loser who is, somehow, not over her ex, but you also feel added guilt for being an evil dream cheater.
But luckily for anyone having this dream, Lauri seems to think it doesn't actually make you a pathetic loser who's not over her ex and who's also an evil dream cheater.
Take the dream as what it is: a warning. Deal with the problems that are buried deep in the back of your subconscious and get rid of those creepy dreams once and for all.
I hope this was helpful to Eloise and anyone else who may have had a similar dream.
*Names have been changed.