Why You Don't Need To Be In A Relationship Right Now
Society has developed a peculiar dependence on relationships. Monogamy governs normality. Someone who is single is viewed in negative light, judged to be an outlier, as if society is in utter disbelief that someone could manage happiness outside of the structure of a relationship, that someone could be happy alone. It’s as if the proper response to not being in a relationship is “Why not?!” – as if being single is an act of sin.
And of course, for those of us who choose actively to be single, we’re left in the awkward situation of having to explain ourselves. Our society fears individualism so much that it perpetuates this notion that happiness is correlated to marital status, we have such a deeply ingrained problem with being alone that we live our lives according to others. So for those of you who are single or who are looking to be single but are too afraid to take the step – I’m here to tell you that it’s okay. In fact, it’s more than okay; it’s necessary.
Due to insecurities and different fears that many people have, they see being single or alone as being wrong. So many people subject themselves to this pursuit of never being alone and become serial daters constantly bouncing from one relationship to the next with rebounds because they just can't handle it.
Or you have people truly unhappy with their partners, who know they shouldn’t be together, who will stay with each other because of this overwhelming notion. Let me tell you -- there is nothing wrong with you or the fact that you want to be alone, enjoy life, explore a little and be a little whorish at times – that’s what your 20s are all about.
It’s not that I’m against the love and being with someone that you care about, it’s that there is no point to it when you look at it. Most of you are currently in your 20s or even early 30s.
These are of the most pivotal years in your life, everything you do now will dictate the direction your life takes. Do you really want to risk that on being with someone, having your head in the clouds and misjudging your individual actions because of your relationship? Because that’s what usually happens.
We all know love can change people and change them very quickly, usually for the worse. It makes you think differently and skews your judgment. It takes away from who you really are and causes you to lose focus on what is really important -- which is your life and figuring that out -- when there is a partner in the picture, they come before everything else because it just feels like the right thing to do.
Wherever we put our focus most, that is where growth and change will manifest…and if we take our focus away from what’s important and put it towards a relationship, we’re wasting our time and our lives.
We know that high school sweethearts don’t last, and most relationships in your 20s won’t either. Devoting your prime to relationships with finite boundaries makes no sense. Why waste two years when you’ll be bored nearly immediately? The grass is greener on the other side. So graze on. These relationships only serve to drain you and to dull your focus. Why suffer through the pain and depression when you could have just stayed single and had a bunch of booty calls?
Having devoted so much time to something completely unworthy of it, you have set yourself back in the other ventures in your life. Relationships are a thing of the past. They were cute when you were in high school and getting hand jobs underneath your desk, when you had no responsibilities, but as you get older the concept should fade out rather than stay with you.
Relationships factor into your identity, they create a collective of the individual and you’re forced to find yourself and who you are separate from someone else at a relationship’s conclusion. Is all this really worth the instant gratification you get from being able to say you’re with someone? Of course not.
This generation has a problem where we mix up lust for love. The honeymoon phase at the start of a relationship presents this fallacious hope that the relationship might prosper and make its participants happy. But raw sex isn’t love. And it all dissipates in reality after the first three months. What we call the Honeymoon Phase.
It could be longer or sometimes shorter depending on how many times she is PMSing throughout all of it. The problem is we develop lust for that person rather than love and we trap ourselves into being with them because we think that we enjoy it, but instead it’s a short-term thing where both of you will get sick of each other because lust dies pretty fast.
This generation should embrace lust over love. We should be with someone for three months max – and move on, like a serial luster. Because there’s just so much more booty to explore. This lifestyle will keep you agile, sharp and on your toes – it won’t have you trapped to one monogamous, monotonous sex life.
This will also allow you to find yourself, discover your tastes and what you really want out of life. It’s quite hard to do when there is a temporary someone else in the equation because you begin making too many short term plans that pile on top of each other rather than having one long-term plan, that is the problem with the bullshit relationships people are currently in.
Being with someone is a trap; it is too comfortable and can hold you down from the bigger picture in your life. When you are alone and single you are more motivated and put all your focus and energy into what you really find important and love to do. Save the lovey-dovey crap for later in life. Casual sex is the future, as we are a curious bunch and are never satisfied with what we have in front of us -- so why even waste our time.
The next time someone is obnoxious enough to ask you why you are single, tell them it’s because you are not an idiot like they are and are okay enough with yourself to be alone rather than be one of those people constantly dealing with their relationship problems and bouncing around from rebound to rebound.
Preston Waters | Elite.