Recently, I asked a bunch of my guy friends what they wanted more of from a woman in the bedroom.
Since I'm all about playing fair, this past weekend, I decided to return the favor.
I want to help all the lovely gents in this world get to the bottom of what women want from men when they're having sex. After some nervous laughs and awkward stares (I was discussing this with other women in a public place), we came up with a solid list.
So, let's get down to the dirty and talk about all the things women want in bed but might be too embarrassed to tell you.
1. Don't skimp on foreplay.
If we're going to do the deed, don't hit fast forward and try to stick it in before a woman even has a chance to get going.
Just because you're hard as a rock doesn't mean that we're ready. Our bodies respond to the way you touch and kiss us, and it can take a little longer to get to where you are.
You're not Michael Phelps competing for Olympic gold, so slow down, go down, and work your way into it.
2. Talk, but not too much.
Just as you want us to speak up, we want you to communicate as well.
This does NOT mean you need to grunt every two seconds, give your Valedictorian speech, or yell out all the names of all the places you'd like to travel to in our ear every time you thrust.
If we're on top, trying a new position, or giving you a world class BJ that you love and adore, let us know. We want to know if we're hitting all the right spots! Don't be afraid to guide us or tell us how you want it.
3. Sure, get a little rough (within reason).
Clearly, Xzibit was onto something when he released his 2010 single, "Choke Me, Spank Me (Pull My Hair)."
He must be friends with all of my girlfriends because each and every one of them is into some rough play during sex.
I never really understood why anyone would want to be tortured during sex, but thankfully my best friend was kind enough to break it down for me: When women say they like these acts, it's because they enjoy them at exactly the right time during sex. You know, in the heat of the moment.
They also don't want you to knock out their windpipes or literally pull out their hair, so it's more about gently doing all of these things.
Until a few days ago, I was under the impression that people wanted to low-key have a smackdown in the bedroom if they were into rough play. But now I can kind of see what the appeal might be...
4. Experiment, experiment, experiment.
We're not talking about science projects here.
You don't need to turn the bedroom into an escape room and set up a volcano that'll erupt if you don't get off in time.
Women like to try new things and sometimes those new things are sex toys, different kinds of lube, or even a game.
And by the way, just because we want to use toys doesn't mean that we're not satisfied with how you perform in bed or that you're not a force under the sheets. It's fun trying new things with you that can enhance the experience altogether. After all, you never know until you try.
5. Focus on the clitoris.
This sensitive spot doesn't get enough love. And for most girls, stimulation there is a must if they want to have an orgasm at all.
6. Be spontaneous!
We like it when you surprise us or catch us off guard.
If you've been thinking about trying a new position or just want to do something different, go for it!
Nine times out of 10, we'll be game. We want you to express yourself in the bedroom, and we want to help make your fantasies come true by pleasing you as well. The randomness of it all can be a major turn-on.
7. Finish, but make sure we finish too!
Sex is about both of us climaxing, you know.
It would be awesome to finish at the same time as you, or just in general, since way too often guys will bow out right after they cum.
Let's be honest: A lot of you care, but don't really care if we cum as well. But if e're about to go on this experience with you, then you had better make it worth our while.
And for the record, the bedroom is one of the only places where we don't mind who finishes last.