Why Your Sex Drive Actually Isn't Connected To Your Age

by Zara Barrie
Katarina Radovic

My whole life, I've always heard that women reach their sexual peak when they're 35 and men reach it when they're 18.

I've forever had this image in my head of a fierce woman in her late 30s, rocking some sort of chic, ultra-blunt haircut, her pouty lips adorned in a matte red lipstick strutting around the universe in high heels, gorgeously glowing as she boldly dominates in the office and in the bedroom. I always imagined her having a wild, heated affair with the 18-year-old pool boy, because her husband would be too dried up and his dick would be too flaccid to keep up with her and her epic sexual prowess.

As I got older, I breathed a huge sigh of relief when I realized I was a lesbian because I want to be on the same sexual peak as my lover and I'm not into massive age differences (anymore). I don't want to feel pressured to screw a pimply 18-year-old just so I can properly get off in my 30s, you know?

Speaking of 30, I turned 30 last month and with each passing year, I seem to get a little bit hornier and a little bit hornier. In fact I'm so irrepressibly horny all of the time, that I've been worried as to what I'll be like when I hit 35 and reach my real, scientific sexual peak.

Will I be an insatiable sex monster who can't focus because all she's doing is fantasizing about having sex? I mean, I already think about sex so often I can hardly concentrate on my job. Will I even be a functioning a human being when my libido escalates? Or will I be nothing but raw sexuality sifting through the cruel, cold world entirely unprotected? I don't know, but I've worried.

However, it turns out there really is no such thing as "sexual peak" and all of this talk is nothing but good old-fashioned myth. According to experts, men and women have hormonal peaks, not scientific "sexual peaks."

For instance, a boy creature's testosterone levels fly through the roof around the tender age of 18. On the contrary, a woman's estrogen is at an all-time high in her mid-to-late 20s. This means that we're in our baby-making prime when in these age ranges. But being ripe for the baby plucking is still totally unrelated to our sexual peaks.

Let's break this down. Haven't you noticed that sex is more of a head game than anything else? I mean, if sex isn't the most complicated subject matter in the universe, then what it is? Nothing sexual can be as simple as just procreating (how would you explain my lesbian-ness if my sex drive was connected to nothing more than getting preggo?).

That being said, our sexual peak is not so much about age, but more about state of mind. That's right baby, sexual peaks are are more psychological than physiological.

So how did this pesky rumor about a woman's sexual peak being around 35 ever come into place? Well, a big psychological shift happens to many women in their 30s. We generally become more confident, stable creatures.

We begin to accept our bodies as they are, instead of aggressively trying to change them. We stop trying to be the bottle blonde if we realize we aren't the bottle blonde prototype. We're usually more fully realized in our careers than we were in our 20s. We stop being so desperate for the cheap cocaine buzz of validation, validation, validation. We learn that we're actually worthy of receiving pleasure, not just giving pleasure.

And yeah, all those positive changes can really amp up a girl's sex drive. I know that when I personally feel more confident and more comfortable in my skin, I'm a much hornier young lady.

And I think my recent wave of extreme sexuality has everything to do with the fact that I'm happier than I've ever been. When I was depressed in my early 20s, I wasn't an authentically sexual person at all. Sex was all about pleasing my partner. Sex was all about a temporary boost in surface confidence. It was the "Oh, if she wants to have sex with me, then I MUST BE PRETTY AND IF I'M PRETTY I'M WORTHY OF LIVING" kind of game.

It wasn't the deeply rooted, secure sexuality I've experienced now. When I was anxious, depressed and popping the pills, it was all about using sex as an escape like drugs. Now I don't feel the need for escaping or taking drugs so my sexuality is built on a real, solid foundation. I'm the foundation and I own my sexuality, fully and totally and it's made all the difference.

So herein lies the good news: As long as we're healthy and happy, our sex drives will most likely follow suit. Personally speaking, the weight of my sex drive seems to be a direct reflection of what's going on in my brain. When the sex drives planks, I plank. Sex drive soars, I'll soar.

All the more reason to take care of our screwy heads, so we can screw like sex goddesses in bed, babes. And you thought mental health and self-care was BORING, didn't you, crazy girl?