10 Ways You May Be Unknowingly Sabotaging Your Own Healing Post-Breakup

by Amy Horton

Everyone goes through breakups.

They're a common human experience, and most people have been through many.

Yet, we tend to make the same mistakes over and over again.

Here are some common mistakes you can hopefully avoid in the future:

1. Keeping Reminders Of Your Ex Around

It hurts enough. You don't have to see pictures of the two of you all over the house.

Obviously, it’s hard to put those mementos away immediately, but try to do so as soon as you can stomach it.

You’re only damaging your own mental well-being by continuing to use, wear or see the items he or she gave you.

Maybe someday, you can bring them back out, but only when you’ve really moved on.

2. Stalking Him Or Her On Social Media

Ah, Facebook, Instagram and Twitter: This trio is evil when it comes to getting over breakups.

It helps immensely if the person you dated isn’t on these platforms.

But if he or she is, you have to cut off contact immediately.

Nothing you see there will serve you in the future, and it certainly won’t help you move on.

If his or her information is — for some reason — public, perhaps request that he or she make it private or block you.

This is for your own good, so take care of yourself.

3. Keeping In Touch

This should be an obvious one, but it can be very difficult, especially if you ended things amicably.

Even if you both still care about each other, it doesn’t mean you can jump right into being friends.

You just can’t.

You both need some time to heal, regain your individuality and simply get over missing that person in a romantic way.

It’s virtually guaranteed that one of you will still want more, and that creates a terrible situation for both of you.

4. Getting Clingy

So you’re getting over it, slowly but surely.

But, you feel the other person isn’t.

Don’t be selfish and stay connected for reasons that only benefit you. You’re only dragging out the hurt for your ex.

If you care for that person at all, be better than that.

Sure, you miss having a companion, but you can’t have it both ways.

5. Not Taking Care Of Your Health

In the days after a breakup, you won’t want to eat. You won’t want to exercise.

You won’t want to leave the house or do anything except lie around, crying and feeling like dirt.

It happens to the best of us.

But you have to do the best you can to take care of your health.

It sucks to think this way, but not taking care of yourself only hurts you.

It has no effect whatsoever on your ex.

There’s no point treating yourself badly when you already feel so terrible.

6. Not Taking Care Of Your Soul

Along with your physical health, take care of your mental health.

This is an amazing time to be there for yourself. You can be completely selfish and focus inward, with no one else to worry about.

There’s probably some internal damage from both your last relationship and breakup, so work on healing that.

You will be better both for yourself and for the next person with whom you choose to share your wonderful being.

7. Wasting Time With Blame, Spite And Anger

Again, you only hurt yourself this way.

Yes, things may have ended poorly. Maybe he did something terrible to you, or maybe you did something you shouldn’t have.

People mess up and make mistakes.

Yes, sometimes it hurts you beyond belief.

Still, you only hurt more by becoming bitter and resentful.

Be the bigger person and do yourself a favor by looking forward to brighter days.

8. Thinking Of The Things You Can't Control

This is the time to simplify, strip down and get back to basics.

There are very few elements of life you can orchestrate. Do your best to recognize what lies beyond your control, and accept that for what it is.

You cannot change the past, but you can affect how you move forward.

Make it count.

9. Focusing On Your Ex

This is your time. As hard as it is, you have to focus on the future.

We all waste far too much time on regrets, memories and issues we can no longer do anything about.

If you focus on your ex after you are done, you are simply losing time you could be spending on your own growth and development.

It goes nowhere. The mental and emotional energy you expend this way no longer benefits the other person.

It’s a true waste.

10. Refusing To Let Go

Quite simply, this is the overlying problem that encompasses all the other mistakes described in this article.

By making one (or all) of these errors, you are committing the mortal — and depressingly common — faux pas of refusing to move on.

We all know we should let go, but a million personal insecurities or regrets keep us from doing so.

Love is difficult, plain and simple.

If it wasn’t, we would all float in and out of relationships like they were no big deal.

Letting go is a victory. So when you get there, do yourself the favor of feeling good about it.

Look forward to the wonderful possibilities ahead.