Everyone has one. I'm talking about that ex-boyfriend, ex-girlfriend or old fling who – for some reason – still gives you chills down your entire spine. Months go by. You finally feel as if you've moved past this person and the time he or she consumed of your life.
You start to feel and think, "Maybe I'll never see this person again." But, when you haven't heard your ex's name in so long, how can you truly know if you're over the person?
When the time comes for the two of you to run into each other, you instantly panic. You try to force yourself to act cool, but you know you won't. More importantly, you also want to make it known there is still some resentment over the way your ex treated you.
You want this person to understand he or she no longer holds any bullsh*t power over you. You want it to be clear that you have recovered from the things your ex did to you. Even if you're completely fooling yourself, you venture deep down into your emotions and find a way to exude this confidence to him or her.
When he or she walks into the room, your eyes immediately lock with your ex's as if no time has passed. You act as if everything is completely normal. But, everything is not normal.
You haven't spoken in months. The last time you did, it ended in a screaming, hateful argument that never got resolved. So, how come your heart drops when you see him or her? How do the butterflies that used to consume every inch of your stomach return instantly, as if they never left? How is this still possible after so much time has passed?
You hug and say hello. You discuss the new things that have happened in your lives, and you ask each other if things have been good.
You take note of how your ex looks now, which is a little skinnier and a little more exhausted. But, you probably look different in his or her eyes as well. You see the expression on your ex's face as he or she first sees you standing there. Your ex looks genuinely happy to have run into you, which of course triggers the nervousness inside of you.
You quickly revert back to being strong. You remind yourself to act cool. More than anything, you want for all the sh*tty things of the past to have never happened. But, you honestly know this is not the case.
Your ex seems friendly. It seems as if maybe he or she also wants to clear the air and return to the friendship you once had. But now, you know better. You unfortunately know it is impossible for the two of you to just be friends. You know yourself as a person a little better now.
You've grown from the tears and the heartbreak your ex left you with. Once you finally catch your breath and digest all the thoughts and feelings that are running through your mind, you realize you are stronger now.
You say your goodbyes and continue on with your day. You conquered the first awkward run-in, and you survived. You may still get those butterflies when you think of your ex, but those are feelings of the past. Those tender feelings running through your heart are just memories of what once was.
But as the time has passed, this person has disappeared from the list of things you truly care about. You don't have to ignore your feelings or hide them. They are, for the most part, good memories.
So keep them inside, but don't let them overpower you. Move on. There are always better things ahead. You just have to look out for them.