Read Between The Lines: Relationship Woes Are Never Out Of The Blue
It's a classic scene played out in movies and at brunch tables in numerous cafés: a broken-hearted soul wallowing in self-pity, claiming to have no idea why it ended.
Even before the breakup, when breaking changes ensue in the relationship, some still play clueless about how and why something happened, whether its demise fell on major infidelity or white lies.
However, I'm calling bullsh*t on the doe-eyed act. When someone is invested in a relationship — or at least has a mild interest in it —, he or she knows when the other shoe is about to drop.
You feel when a shift occurs in relationships, regardless of whether you know exactly why.
For example, consider people who don't know their spouses are sleeping with someone both parties know.
Most likely, the cheater is messing around in his or her own home or taking money from the household budget to finance the torrid affair. And, the slighted spouse will still say he or she had no idea?
The only way you don't know when your significant other is screwing around, running a scheme behind your back or just plain done with the relationship is if you are not fully in love with him or her.
When you're in love with someone, you feel everything. You can just sense what is happening and most importantly, where the relationship is headed.
Because of this reason, I do not believe people who say the turmoil is "out of the blue."
Relationship woes are never out of the blue; you are either paying attention or you are not. As Tina Fey's character in "This Is Where I leave You" said, "She was sleeping with somebody else for a year and you never noticed. How in love could you have been?"
Frankly, while it may be a harsh truth, no one is responsible for keeping you up to date on what is happening with your relationship.
Your friends, family and even coworkers might be able to clearly see what is happening, but none of them are responsible for letting you know about your tanking relationship.
It's understandable to question why. Why are they not ensuring the safety of your heart? First, because you will not listen even if they try to tell you the truth.
Also, we never want to hear the truth — especially from the people closest to us — when it's a real, unchangeable truth. While your loved ones should morally look out for you, emotionally, they cannot solve your romantic issues.
Second, whether it seems fair or not, a major factor of adult relationships is assuming responsibility for what occurs.
A common technique that couples counselors utilize is asking the slighted individual what his or her part in the turmoil was. This is because it never happens to just one side.
Everything that we do or don't do affects how our relationships function and grow. The saddest truth of the matter is the fact that sometimes, the only reason this happens is because of a lack of love.
You can put enormous effort into your relationship on a daily basis, but if you and your significant other are not truly in love with each other, it will obviously end. Fondness cannot replace love.
Indiscretions usually do not occur out of malice, which is hard to believe when you are wounded. However, indiscretions typically occur because someone is looking for something. Even if you are deeply fond of someone, you cannot fake real emotions.
Consequently, indiscretions and endings are inevitable. Our relationship woes don't define us — how we handle them does.
If you shoulder your own romantic dilemmas and care for your heart, you will never be the sad-eyed soul who feigns ignorance.
Take responsibility for your own life and become its safe keeper.