I've never had the desire to be in a relationship. It's just not something I thought would be my cup of tea.
When I think of my future life, I've always seen myself with a group of friends, my family, a puppy and stories from around the world of all the great adventures I'd go on. I never pictured a magical wedding with a husband and kids.
I've been interested in guys in the past, even pictured myself being in a relationship with them in my head, but nothing real has ever transpired.
Any guy who has ever mentioned starting a relationship with me, I've either stopped talking to or quickly made a friend, simply because I have never wanted to be in a relationship.
I like being single. I love knowing that I can do whatever I want, whenever I want without talking about it with another person. I like that if I decide to go out of town in the middle of the night, I can do that without telling someone. I enjoy knowing that I'm allowed to talk to whomever I want to without fear of hurting someone else. I like the independence, the freedom.
I've also always liked knowing that I can rely on myself and can figure things out on my own. I have no problem doing things for myself, like unpacking my storage unit when I moved or carrying something heavy up the stairs to my apartment.
However, as of late, something has changed. I'm not sure if it's watching too many rom coms, just getting older or living by myself for the first time, but I frequently find myself wanting someone to spend my time with – someone who wants to call me their girlfriend.
When the feelings first started, I wrote it off as loneliness due to my lack of roommates in my quiet, one-bedroom apartment and started hanging out with friends a lot as an attempt to fix it.
There was no way in hell that I went from avoiding relationships to wanting to be in one overnight. I resented the feelings, mostly. I refused to turn into a boy-crazed bachelorette “looking for love.” Gag.
I questioned the feelings. Why would I want someone invading my space and time? Why would I ever want to put my dreams and wants on the back burner for someone else? And most importantly, why would I ever want to share the food in my kitchen with someone else?
Nothing about this new aspiration to become a part of a couple made sense to me, so I ignored it. I continued to tell myself I didn't want to be in a relationship.
But it's near impossible to lie to yourself. You can fool almost anyone else, but you can't fool yourself.
It wasn't long before I realized I couldn't expect someone to be around me 24/7 to distract me from my loneliness, so I gave in. I thought long and hard about these feelings. I allowed myself to feel everything.
It was during this time I realized being in a relationship didn't have to mean the end of my dreams and adventures. It didn't mean I would lose all of my independence and freedom. I would still be my own person, and as long as I had a good partner, it would only add to the amazingness that is my life.
I understood that, if I was with someone I liked spending time with and enjoyed having around, then I could bring them along with me on my adventures and have even better stories to tell. I recognized that sharing a cake in bed with someone I loved would taste even better than eating it alone.
Just because you get into a relationship doesn't mean you have to lose yourself, your needs and your wants. It doesn't mean you're weak because someone else is helping you hang pictures in your apartment. It just means you're lucky because you have someone who wants to help.
You are not any less of a person because you add another person to your life. Adding the right person to your life will only mean you have someone else to celebrate with when you achieve your goals. And it means you have someone to help achieve theirs.
Wanting a significant other doesn't make you crazy or dependent. It only means you're human.