Tinder conversations are the screening process before the date.
Sometimes, I wish you could just email them a form to fill out to let you know whether or not you actually want to go on a date with them, but apparently, that is "psycho" and "you shouldn't do that, Alison, how did you get my email?"
There are other ways to figure out whether that Tinder match you're talking to is someone you should actually be going on a date with — things you should know before a date to save you time and things that would be helpful to know about a person before you invest a lot of time in them.
So before you agree to that Tinder date, here are five questions your tinder match should have already answered
1. What Do You Do?
Listen, I'm not saying that if a guy isn't a millionaire CEO, you shouldn't go out with him. First of all, millionaire CEOs are most likely not hanging out on Tinder — no offense to Tinder.
A funemployed guy (or unemployed guy whose main career motive right now is hitting the bars) is looking to do one thing — have fun.
This isn't a guy who is saving up to buy a condo or a house, and he certainly isn't thinking about kids any time in the near future. He might cruise the Craigslist jobs section every once in a while, but he probably doesn't have a passion in life right now, and that's a problem.
While you don't want to talk too much about work (because that can quickly make things seem like a job interview), asking someone about their career can be a good indicator of what they're passionate about and where they want to go in life.
Also, if they're a little unstable with their career at the moment, it might not be a great time for them to settle down, as finding a job might be their number one priority right now.
2. Are You New To Town?
If a guy is new to a city, he might just be looking for a tour guide. I'm not trying to show some stranger all the hottest pizza places and bars in town, so one year, when he's all settled in and ready for a relationship, he can take his girlfriend there. I'm trying to find the love of my life!
If you're just looking to hook up, occupy your free time, or make a new friend, new guy in town could be really fun to add to your life.
But if you're looking for your soulmate, the tourist who is thinking of staying around for a bit is probably not the best guy to devote your energy to.
3. What Are You Looking For?
There's nothing wrong with a little clarity. I know that there have been times where I've been halfway through dinner, and I want to shout across the table, "Is this even a date??"
Asking questions like this doesn't make you seem crazy. Do you think a man has ever thought to himself, "I can't ask a question and learn more information. I don't want people to think I'm psycho!" That is a specific female quality created by the patriarchy to keep us quiet.
So before a date, it's entirely fine — if not a good idea — to ask the guy what he's looking for. He might say he's just looking to hang out right now (AKA he's trying to get laid,) or he might say he's looking for a relationship with the right person.
Either way, you find out before the date, and you don't waste your time wondering.
4. What's The Last Book You Read?
We need to make books cool again. If you go home with somebody and they don't have books, don't f*ck them. — John Waters
A guy who doesn't read is a guy who, most likely, isn't ready to grow up yet. "Doesn't read" guy is a guy who is probably still getting bottle service at the club with his bros every weekend. He's definitely not reading political articles in The Atlantic or sitting in a coffee shop reading Infinite Jest.
A guy who reads books is also probably a better conversationalist than the guy who only wants to talk about how great Coachella was two years ago.
The older you get, the more desirable a dorky guy is. Just saying.
5. Want To Come To My Side Of Town?
A guy who is not willing to drive/commute/Uber to make the first date convenient for you (if you ask him to) is not the kind of guy you want to be dating.
Chivalry should not be dead. If a guy wants you to drive to his side of town, so he doesn't have to inconvenience himself, what does that say about how he will be in a relationship?
On the first few dates, a guy should court you. That means choosing and planning dates that are easy and enjoyable for you and make you feel special... AKA choosing a bar that is close to your house!
Do you have any pre-first-date questions you like to ask? Let me know in the comments.