Why The Person Who Cares Less Always Has The Power In A Relationship
As soon as a woman shows a man any interest whatsoever, it usually isn’t long before our interest in her begins to dwindle.
It’s not by design, and it certainly doesn’t stem from an opposition to attention -- it’s just instinct.
People will forever want what they can’t have, and men are no different -- especially when it comes to women -- which is why we'd much rather waste our time pursuing women who are out of our league or want nothing to do with us.
This notion is something formally identified as the “principle of least interest,” which pretty much grants the upper hand in any relationship to the one who gives the least amount of f*cks about it.
For instance, when she starts ignoring your texts -- it’ll only make you want to text her more often.
A few weeks back, however, when she was texting you three to four times throughout the morning, you wanted no part of her.
And you’re not exactly sure why.
In theory, having a woman who’s transparent in her willingness to be together with you sounds like a novel idea. It almost sounds, dare I say, easy.
But men don’t want easy. We want complicated, complicated to the point where we can’t sleep at night. Then, and only then, will we be satisfied.
This is why most relationships don’t work in the first place. I mean, two people being invested in a relationship, where both of them are mutually interested is the kind of sh*t you only see in fairy tales or Vince Vaughn rom-coms. But rarely real life.
No, real-life relationships are meant to follow a push-pull motion, swaying back and forth with the momentum of whoever cares less.
And this is why, sometimes, I feel like humans are destined to be single: If relationships hinge on a principle of least interest, what’s the incentive of becoming invested in one in the first place?
Simple: We crave the torture. Men want a challenge, however, the principle of least interest brings more than just a mere “challenge.”
Allow me to explain why the principle of least interest is really a fruitless cause and will likely only lead to a vicious cycle of interest and disinterest -- until someone finally taps out or finds someone new.
Phase 1: The meeting.
OK, so let’s say you meet a chick at the bar. At first glance, she seems great.
She’s got a pretty face, tells you all about this exciting career she’s following, even her friends seem pretty normal.
You take her number, and vow to call her later in the week -- to “meet up,” maybe over “drinks or something.”
Phase 2: The first few moves.
Come Wednesday, you text her. No response. You think it’s a bit weird, but then again, you understand she’s probably super busy during the week, so you don’t pay it TOO much mind.
On Friday, you figure it’s the freakin’ weekend, so you try her once more. Again, no reply.
Phase 3: The persistence.
Instead of taking a hint, like anyone with a modicum of common sense would do, and forgoing any further attempts with this chick -- it has only driven you nuts.
Now you’re not sure whether or not she gave you her real number in the first place.
You’re stifled, wondering why you’re not even worthy of a response, and there’s still part of you thinks she’s “just busy” with work.
Phase 4: Full-blown frenzy.
After a weekend of plotting your next move, you text her Monday morning. And Monday afternoon. And night, too.
By this point, you’re on the cusp of obsession with this chick.
She replies, finally, but she’s hardly as enthusiastic as you would’ve hoped. And that stings like a dagger.
See, ignored texts are better than short texts -- at least that’s how I’ve always viewed ‘em.
Phase 5: The fallback.
While ignored texts might simply be the result of carelessness or an overstocked message inbox -- short texts are deliberate; they’re cold.
For her to respond back with a “nmu” means she’s either teleported back to fifth grade or she’s just genuinely not into you.
So at that point, you diverge. You realize she’s not who you thought she was, and you fall back.
Phase 6: A sign of hope.
You don’t text her for a week, and what happens next simply blows your mind: The following Tuesday evening, around 6:45 pm, you feel a vibration in your pants.
It’s your phone (you sick f*ck). You open up the text message and -- bam! -- it’s her: “Hey, haven’t heard from you in a while.”
Phase 7: The vow to avoid.
HA, you think to yourself, “Sure, she hasn’t heard from me in a while because she barely mustered up the ambition to reply to my last few texts – and the ones she did rarely exceeded four-to-seven-character responses.”
Phase 8: The turn of the tide.
But now you’re smarter. You recognize how much of an impact this chick can have on your feelings, and you know better than to fall back into that rut.
You decide to turn the tables, so to speak, on her. Now it’s time for YOU to do the ignoring.
Phase 9: Frenzy on her end.
Next thing you know it, she’s blowing up your phone three to five times a day, like a Jewish mother does to her son during freshman year of college.
By the time you’ll actually decide to answer her, however, she’ll probably have lost interest in you.
But you try anyway (and start fresh at Phase Two).
Like I said, it’s nearly impossible to win. The best thing you can do is try to remain neutral with your emotions.
If you show a chick you’re too interested, it usually won’t be long before you drive her away.
If you play hard to get -- sometimes you play a little too hard, and it’s equally as ineffective.
It all comes down to moderation.