Confession time, baby: I have a secret, magical skill given to me by GOD herself. I can always tell if a person's bae is actually in love with them. I'm like the oracle of love, honey.
I've already been blessed with fine gaydar skills, and I recently came to the realization that I have "lovedar," too. And fortunately for you, lovedar can be learned!
All too often, when it comes to love, we ignore the obvious signs that bae doesn't really love us like we hoped they would.
And even though we all want to believe bae loves us, I think it's better to know if they don't love us, so we can move on with our gorgeous lives! Let's face it, kittens: We're too fab to love anyone who doesn't love us back, right?
So here are 10 signs bae just isn't actually in love with you:
1. They say "they're afraid."
This is the oldest excuse in the book! Whenever they say, "I love you, but I'm too afraid of love because I have a dark past," it's an obvious excuse they don't love you.
When you're really in love, the love will always trump the fear.
2. They don't admire the raw you.
When they're in love with you, they're super turned on by you all the time, even without makeup. They adore seeing the raw you — the side of you no one else gets to see.
So, if they're turned off by you without your heaps of mascara and mega heels on, then it's clear they don't actually love you.
3. They don't remember the little things you've shared with them.
Someone who is completely in love with you will remember all the stupid, little things you've told them.
They'll say things like, "Hey, I brought you paper towels because you always say you forget to buy paper towels."
Is it romantic? Yes, because it shows they paid attention to a tiny thing you said in passing. And that's what love is — finding trite things about a person memorable and interesting.
4. They don't check in with you after they know you've had a big life event.
Someone in love with you will call you after the job interview, not just trying to be polite, but because they're curious about how it went.
They're invested in your life, and they know what you're nervous, excited or sad about. They think about those things all day, and they can't wait to find out how they went.
But when they don't check in after that big, potentially life-changing event, it means they're not invested. And when they're not invested in your life, they don't truly love you.
5. They're really into you, but they're "not looking for a relationship right now."
I don't even need to explain this one, kittens. If they say they're not looking for a relationship, but they still "really like you," then the only thing they want is to keep hanging out and having sex without the commitment.
Do you know how many times I've said, "I'm not ready for a relationship," only to be full-on cuffed six weeks later? Love always disrupts your plans, and if it doesn't, it's not love.
6. They don't have that love look in their eyes.
Oh, girl, we all know the love look — I call it "wolf eyes." It's a soulful, deep, soft and protective look in their eyes that will give you chills.
If bae doesn't look at you with sweet, slightly animalistic and wildly loving eyes, then bae doesn't love you.
7. Your gut tells you they don't love you.
Listening to your gut is the most important thing of all. I know insecurity can often get in the way, but if you take a step back and tap into your intuition, you'll be able to figure out your gut feeling about bae.
You need to tap into the deepest part of your core and ask yourself, "Does this person love me?" If you listen closely to your instincts, you'll know the real answer because a girl's instincts never lie.
8. They don't laugh at your jokes.
Love blinds your comedic taste level. So even if your jokes are dumb, stupid, annoying, punny or cliche, the person who loves you will find you crazy funny all the time. It's one of the many ways love messes around with the senses.
But if bae never even cracks a smile at your funniest jokes, then it's definitely not love, babe.
9. They take three days to text you back.
If they take days to text you back, you're a side chick — the "back burner" girl. In this case, they're only looking for fun and sex... or they're just bizarre players who get high on the chase.
But please know, they DO NOT love you.
10. They don't want to have sex with you all the time.
When they don't want rip your clothes off and have ravenous, passionate sex with you most of the time (because sex is the purest expression of love), they don't love you. They might love you as a friend, a pal or a confidant, or they might want to love you.
But unfortunately, they don't love you romantically. When you're really in love, you just want to be as close as possible to that person all the time, and what's more intimate than sex?
And that, dear kittens, is how you know your bae doesn't really love you... and it's time to move on.