Being The One Who Loves More Is Terrifying, But It's Always Worth It
Everyone wants to find love. Anyone who tells you otherwise is either lying or delusional.
That being said, sometimes, the prospect of being in love can be pretty terrifying. I assure you that it's not love that's the problem.
The love part is all good. It's losing love that hurts. If someone offered me a choice between taking a non-fatal bullet or dealing with a broken heart, I'd choose the bullet every time because it would undoubtedly hurt less and heal faster.
The older we become, the more suitable our dating choices become. So, breaking up now is undoubtedly harder than it was five or 10 years ago. You're no longer dating wildly inappropriate men, and so, the feelings you develop are based on real emotions instead of youthful excitement.
So, no matter how many margaritas you drink or how much ice cream you eat, it still hurts.
Hurt tends to be a common theme in relationships for so many people. You see, there are two types of people when it comes to dating: the ones who find themselves regularly hurt and let down, and the ones who do the hurting.
What deciphers one from the other, you ask? The ones who do the hurting are usually the ones who care less.
No relationship is entirely equal. One person always loves a little bit more than the other. The person who loves more is always at the greater risk of getting hurt.
The other, for whatever reason, never gives 100 percent to the relationship. You don't need a dating expert to tell you that when one person gives more to a relationship than the other, the relationship will never work.
As the one who always loves more, let me be clear: We can always tell when the other person is not fully committed. As a result, we can never truly be ourselves. In a relationship, you can only be unashamedly yourself when you feel safe with the other person. Feeling safe comes hand-in-hand with feeling entirely wanted.
If you can't be yourself, the relationship will always lack a tiny spark because the real magic in love happens when the two people can be exactly who they want to be.
I know who I am. But different people see different parts of me.
My work colleagues see one person, and my friends and parents see another. I would go so far as to say the only person who sees you in your entirety is the person you fall in love with. When two people can be themselves in every sense of the word, the real magic happens.
Contrary to popular belief, the person who always loves too much is usually the one who ends up happy. Because despite the multiple heartaches this person might endure, he or he is forever optimistic that love will arrive. The key is to find someone else who also loves too much.
The real victims are the ones who never give their full commitment to a relationship. The truth is, these people will never create a safe enough space for their partners to be truly themselves. If you can't make your other half feel safe, you will never elicit the closeness it requires to be truly in love.
What is love? It's not some romantic concept where your eyes meet from across the room and you fall in love at just a glance. Love happens over time: through shared experiences, stories and laughter. Anyone who tells you otherwise is wrong.
So, if you're the person who always loves more and gets hurt, don't feel bad about it. Celebrate that you have the capacity to find the love you want one day. If, on the other hand, you are the one who never quite finds what you want, perhaps consider letting someone else in entirely. It's the only way you'll ever know if he or she is the person for you or not.
Despite how convincing you believe you are, your partner can always tell when you aren't fully committed. In turn, he or she will always feel the need to hold something back.
If your other half is always treading gently because they don't know where they stand, you'll never enjoy the true joy that comes from being carelessly in love.
Believe me: No great love stories ever started with two people skirting around the issue of commitment and casually waiting, just in case something better comes along.