In Defense Of The On-Again, Off-Again Relationship
If your friends are sick of hearing you yammer about your breakup (they all know you're just going to get back together next Wednesday), you have come to the right place.
Before I come off as a total poser, I have to disclose that I, myself, have never been in one of those on and off relationships. Or any sort of real relationship. But that's neither here nor there. There is this part of me that has this deeply-rooted respect for the love that exists between the two members of an on-off relationship.
I've written about it a million and one times, but the concept of just breaking up and cutting someone out of your life completely has never made sense to me. I don't get how you can love someone and then one day not.
Sure, you'll have your rough patches -- life is full of those. Sometimes, those rough patches will be so hard they tear you away from each other. That last bit is a particularly tough pill to swallow for me, but it's one of those facts of life.
But, as with everything, I like to find silver linings when I'm faced with clouds.
Let's say you and your boyfriend broke up with no shot of the two of you getting back together. Maybe you just weren't meant to be (yeah, I'm the annoying friend who always brings up “meant to be”). Maybe the love you had was real while it lasted, but it wasn't the fantastic, wonderful love you know you deserve. The kind that will literally never fade, no matter what comes between you.
I think people in on-again, off-again relationships share that love, the kind that just can't help but creep its way back into their lives despite rhyme or reason.
From Miley and Liam to Kourtney and Scott, I have always had a soft spot in my heart for the distinctly complicated kind of love. Of course, I believe it's important to leave someone who isn't treating you right. Nobody deserves to be stuck in a relationship that makes them feel small.
I firmly believe you should never feel stuck in a relationship. I hate drama, and my stomach absolutely crawls at the thought of confrontation. And I'm not a masochist -- obviously, I would prefer a relationship that's smooth sailing the whole way through.
But something about the on-off relationship always seemed more realistic to me.
If you've been together long enough, life's going to throw you some curveballs. Maybe you'll fight, have drama, confront each other and do all of those things that are my worst nightmare. Maybe things will even get so hard the entire relationship will completely fall apart right there in front of you. Those are all very real possibilities.
But I love the idea that all the chaos could really happen, and you would feel even stronger about each other than you did before. The idea that you two share a love SO strong you can't help but come back together time and time again. You can really, genuinely believe it's over for good this time ... then go ahead and fall in love all over again. Something about that is beautiful to me.
The next time your friends are yelling at you for getting back together AGAIN, read this and just know there's someone out there who respects what you're doing.