Why It's Better To Have Your Heart Broken Than Be The Heartbreaker

by Candice Jalili
Igor Madjinca

The idea of breaking up, really doing the whole nine yards and kicking the other person out of your life completely, has always seemed weird to me. More than just weird. Unnatural.

A lot of that could be a result of my parents' relationship. They were best friends, got married, divorced and went back to being best friends. So, to me, the concept of keeping someone you had a romantic relationship with around always seemed normal.

And, like most things that make sense, the opposite concept makes absolutely no sense at all. Someone plays a huge role in your life. You go to this person for nighttime snuggles, advice about your work problem and laughs about the funny Instagram you just saw. How do you go from that to absolutely nothing? I DON'T GET IT. If I'm being completely honest with you, I probably never will.

Obviously, not all romantic relationships last. People change, don't change, move, cheat … the list goes on. You know the situations I'm talking about, the kind that make it clear this relationship is just not the right one anymore. The one where you suddenly realize, “I need to end this.”

I'm here to talk about why THAT is my worst nightmare. It's not the relationship coming to a close that scares me the most. No, it's having to break the other person's heart. Having to look at someone who once meant so much to me and just tell that person it's over and he needs to get out of my life. Ugh, just writing about it twists my stomach into a million knots.

Heartbreak is already bad enough. I do not need guilt coming in to kick me when I'm already down. Having to mourn the loss of my relationship on top of the guilt of knowing I hurt someone I deeply cared about just seems like too much to handle.

Of course, if I have to do it, I will. Everyone should. No one should let the fear of guilt keep them in a relationship that is unhealthy.

For the most part, I would just rather I was the person who was being broken up with. I know I'm weird -- my co-workers did not agree with my sentiments this morning. And I get where they're coming from. Having someone you cared about tell you they no longer feel the same way would be horrible. It would sting and it would hurt but, because you cared for them and respected them, you would have no choice but to let it go.

You see, it all goes back to my weird thing about not being able to fully let go of relationships. If someone dumped me and wanted nothing to do with me, well, I would have to respect his wishes. Heck, I could even hate him for what he did to me, for springing something so huge on me like that with no warning. And I can use that hate as motivation to really, truly move on.

But, when I'm the one who dumped the other person, the door is never really mentally closed for me. The person in question might be dead to me, but he's never really quite in the grave if you know what I mean.

I have control over the situation; I am the one who dumped him, so I can go back and try to undo it at any point. Furthermore, I have all of this control over how the dumping goes—are we going to stay friends? Are we going to be nemeses? Are we going to be that broken up couple who still hooks up every weekend? UP TO ME.

You know what? That's too much power for me.

Don't even get me started on the moment he finally moves on and then I have to sit there wondering, “Did I reject someone who could have really been good for me? Did I mess up?”

If you are dumped, you can cut out all of that confusion and guilt. You just have one option and it's pretty clear: Move on. And, to me, that just seems a lot nicer.