My boyfriend and I have been together for a little over a year now, and we just recently moved in together... with my parents. But hey, we're saving some sweet, sweet dough, y'all.
We've had a glorious time making cuddling a nightly event and laughing amongst the piles of dishes we've created over our lazy days. I don't really have much to complain about. We're overly affectionate (in a cute, non-disgusting way), positive affirmations occur on the daily and cuddling is his favorite activity.
But, that's right about where it stops. The amount of times we get "freaky in da sheets" has decreased drastically from when we first started dating. And most of the time when we do, it's always the product of alcohol and never the "lovemaking" I so desire.
After doing some hefty research (aka talking to my mom), I've come to the conclusion that this is a pretty normal occurrence in a long-term relationship. We've all seen this happen in countless films.
It's the ones where a couple loses their spark, and the woman goes on a quest to somehow get that spark back. Then, she gets in a fight with a dragon, eats a lot of pizza and saves not only her relationship, but also the world from destruction. (I know it's not a real movie, but it should be. And I'd be happy to star in it.)
That so-called "fizzled spark" really hasn't happened to us yet. The amount of love, attraction and adoration I feel for him has grown by 10 million percent from the first time we met.
So, yeah, we don't do "the horizontal tango" too often any more, but I've come to accept that and be OK with it. It's not like this will be this way forever, either.
Relationships evolve constantly, and it's so much easier to adapt to it than fight it. If you embrace change, it can really be beneficial for your relationship.
So, if I'm OK with getting sexed less, then you should, too. If not, here are some helpful tips to help you ease your transition into chastity. (Just kidding. You have to bump uglies every now and then. It's human nature.)
1. You can shave less.
I don't know about you guys, but shaving can be exhausting for me. There are so many crevasses and areas on my body that I'd rather just let nature take its course. And if you're having sex less, you can do that.
There's no pressure to be a hairless goddess. You can just be the natural goddess you are and do whatever the frick you want. Your partner may not love it, but if he loves you, it shouldn't be a problem.
Trust me, he'll let nature take its course with his body, too.
2. There's less stress.
Sometimes there's a lot of pressure to have sex, no matter how long you've been together. Whenever we go out for drinks, I aways prepare myself physically and mentally to have sex that night.
I still get nervous with the anticipation of what we'll do once we get home (even though it mostly includes us talking to each other while we poop and going to sleep). Alcohol has that effect on us. It relaxes you, and for most of us, it makes us hornier than usual.
If you go into the evening without the automatic expectation of sex, it makes the evening more enjoyable. And if you do end up having sex, it'll be that much better because it was unexpected. Your actions towards one another are genuine, and you're not doing it just because you feel like you have to.
3. You'll have more time for other things.
Before we moved in together, my boyfriend and I lived three hours apart, and after that, we were one hour apart. Whenever we were together, we made the most out of the short time we had. We went to museums, tried new restaurants, hiked, watches movies, drank coffee, etc.
So, by the time we got home, we were exhausted. We would go a few weeks without having sex, but I got so much more out of it. I got to enjoy life with him, and "tapping dat ass" was never a priority with us.
So, try new things with your partner and figure out what you really love to do together. There are so many things on this planet to do, so get out there and enjoy them.
4. We enjoyed quality, not quantity.
Some couples get nasty all the time. And maybe it's magic for them every time, too. But like anything in life, too much of a good thing can still be bad.
You're going to get burnt out eventually, and you might be doing it for all the wrong reasons. If you're not doing the dirty tango as much as you like, it's OK.
When it does happen, that means it will be 100 percent sincere. You and your partner are doing it because you want to express your love for one another, not because you feel like you have to.
Plus, it will be amazing when it does happen, trust me. So when it comes to sex in a relationship, sometimes quality really is better over quantity.
5. You can show your affection for one another in different ways.
Sex is the ultimate way of showing affection for one another. I mean, they call it "making love" for crying out loud. Sometimes, this is the only way couples know how to show that love for each other.
But, there are tons of other ways to show your partner how much you care for him and be intimate at the same time. My boyfriend once told me, "Us having sex is a way I want to express my love for you, but it's the same thing as you leaving notes and a Twix trail leading to a surprise breakfast you made."
That really stuck with me, too. He's not as emotionless as most men are perceived. Doing things for your partner can be just as intimate and special as sex. It's something intimate you both share, and it's a way you show your love for one another.
He once brought home flowers from a farmers market, and that has meant more to me than any hot and steamy sex sesh we've ever had. So, get creative. It can literally be anything that relates to the two of you, and your partner is sure to love it.
6. Everyone goes through this stage.
At first, I thought my boyfriend and I were in a rut. He got very upset one evening after I mentioned this because he was completely comfortable with it. I felt awful afterward because I realized that I was putting sex on such a high pedestal.
In my mind, I thought because we weren't having sex as often that it meant he didn't love me as much. That couldn't be further away from the truth. We were comfortable with one another, and that can be the ultimate compliment.
We shared such a connection with each other and had such intimacy that we were comfortable enough to not have sex. We got just as much pleasure and happiness just from being with each other as we would if we were having sex. Of course, not the exact same physical feelings occurred, but you get what I mean.
True intimacy is popping each other's pimples. True intimacy is being so in love with each other that you get a love-boner from making homemade mac and cheese.
You can express your love in a way that's more unique and special that no "50 Shades of Grey" film could ever create. If you feel like you're stuck in a sexless rut, just take a look at this list and know that it's not the end of the world. So, skip the shaving, make a pizza and cuddle like you've never cuddled before.