My ex boyfriend and I have a very standard “how did you meet” story.
We were at a bar for the birthday of a mutual friend. Despite the ordinary story, he always enjoyed teasing me about it because of the finer details of how it all went down.
He made the first move and struck up a conversation. His charming smile and energy instantly piqued my interest and curiosity. Light banter and flirty eye contact followed for the rest of the night.
As soon as my drink went dry, he did the normal gentlemanly thing and offered to buy me another. I was quick to reject his offer. “No thanks," I said shaking my head, “I got this."
He was taken aback, surprised by my response, because we were having such a good time.
But that's precisely why I rejected the offer -- because I actually liked him. I was truly enjoying the interaction and didn't need a $7 gin and tonic to tolerate the small talk.
We use actions to communicate what we can't say with words. Offering to buy a girl a drink has become a standard move to convey attraction. Also, you're showing not only can you fork out the cash, but you want to invest a few minutes of your evening chatting with her.
The lucky byproduct is that maybe she'll gets tipsy enough to give you her number, or best case scenario, a sloppy makeout session in a dark corner. The drink is a classic move, but it's not an effective approach for two reasons.
First, buying a girl a drink instantly turns a genuine interaction between two strangers into a transaction.
Even if we're somewhat enjoying the conversation, it will always elicit a need to reciprocate in our minds. This triggers an awkward pressure, which subtly undermines the authenticity of the interaction. Not very sexy.
If you hold off on the drink, and as a result, she makes a lame excuse to GTFO, well you know for a fact she's not interested. However, if she chooses to stay, despite lack of drink, great sign! Maybe she'll want that sloppy makeout session all on her own.
Wouldn't you prefer to know a girl is staying out of genuine interest, not because she feels pressured considering you dropped a fiver on a Mai Tai?
My second point is slightly more complex -- because you know us women are complicated creatures bursting with conflicting desires. Although we feel a lot more free of pressure and relaxed if you don't offer a drink, we still want the offer, but just so we can reject it.
I know, we're the worst. You're probably rolling your eyes so hard right now.
It's because as females, we're taught this move is a prime marker of attraction and interest, so it's a validating offer. Simply put, it's an ego boost. And by withholding that, you stir up some mystery and confusion in our mind.
Especially if the girl is particularly cute, she's accustomed to having alcohol thrown at her every time she goes to the bar.
In the complex game of seduction, people in general -- not just girls -- are attracted by ambiguity. Apathy can be a powerful aphrodisiac.
If someone makes their level of interest blurry during the first interactions it instantly spikes attention. By taking the time to talk to her, but not being quick to drop a bill, you leave the girl with a huge question mark.
She'll say to herself, "Well, he likes me enough to have a conversation with me, but not enough to offer me a drink -- WTF!? Does he not think I'm attractive?"
If those thoughts are running through her head, you've won the interaction, buddy. If you're lucky, she may proceed to try to prove she is worthy of that drink. Bravo.
A word of caution, this only works if there is already some level of attraction on her side. But if there is even a small spark, this move will guarantee a flame.
When a girl says "yes" to a drink, she is either one of those people who is way too polite and doesn't know how to say "no." Or, she's trying to get drunk for free. Maybe both.
Either way, you're going to end up frustrated and with a dry wallet, because she ain't going home with you.
Test out my theory and let me know how it goes; I'm positive the results will surprise you.