If you're anything like me, the only thing you fear more than eight-legged bugs are relationships.
You have lived the few years before, during and after college in the comfort zone of one-night stands. You have no commitment, zero disappointment and no f*cks given.
You answer to no one on your nights out; you get away with kissing whomever you want, and the only text messages that fill up your inbox are from your loyal friends who don’t judge the lifestyle choices you make every weekend.
You sneak out of his house in the early hours of the morning, with your heels in one hand and your dignity certainly not in the other, and you leave forgetting it even happened.
As you wake up later that day in your own bed (still hungover), you read the typical text message, "Had a great time. We should do it again." But, something odd happens.
The conversation continues, and you don’t quite know why.
Days go on, and he's still talking to you.
You realize this could have the potential to be something, so you do what you do best: You get drunk and try to end it with a slurred explanation as to why it would never work out.
Yet, you wake up the next day, and he still likes you.
Before you know it, that grey area called monogamy soon becomes your life. Monogamy by definition is the practice and state of having sexual relationships with only one partner.
You realize the only thing in the past few years you have committed to is the $1 beer special every Friday at the local bar, and you don’t know what it means to be monogamous.
The naturally flirty, "no f*cks given" person you once were suddenly has to behave and learn to commit. You have to ignore the random texts, forget about free drinks and focus only on one person.
You get comfortable in the relationship, and with time, you really begin to enjoy yourself.
But, what goes on in the mind of someone who isn't used to relationships as she's entering a relationship? Here are just a few of the things:
1. You are waiting for the other shoe to drop.
With the way people have been in the past, you just kind of expect disappointment so you're never unprepared for when it does inevitably happen.
With this new person, you are constantly surprised when he follows through with plans, answers every text and isn't in it just to f*ck you or play games.
2. You constantly question his motives.
You are constantly wondering why he's being so nice and going out of his way.
In a life filled with many casual relationships and assh*les, you just got used to people using you and treating you like sh*t.
In this new relationship, though, you can experience all of the wonderful things monogamy has to offer that you once forgot about.
3. You think it’s too good to be true.
You wonder if this is real life. You almost sabotage the relationship yourself because you are in total disbelief it's still going so well.
4. You make up worst-case scenarios in your head and prepare how you would respond.
If it is too good to be true, this will certainly end just as badly as your previous relationships. And you'll be able to handle it if it does.
5. You are actually just scared.
You are scared of getting close enough to someone that he'll be able to hurt you like your ex did. It's why you have previously settled for one-night stands.
Admitting you are scared is the first step to accepting the love you deserve.
6. He constantly surprises you.
You know you have the ability to be an incredible partner to someone, but he actually reciprocates your love and respect.
You are able to finally let your guard down.
7. You begin to heal from past heartbreaks.
You're able tell him how no one has treated you as well as he has, and it almost brings you to tears.
The wall you have been conditioned to put up slowly comes crumbling down, and he doesn't run away.
Instead, he accepts you, your past and the mess you still sometimes are, and he doesn't judge you for any of it.
This relationship is different. And because it’s different, you wonder if you're finally letting yourself fall.
But this time, you fall with the confidence someone will catch you before you hit the ground.