"I couldn't have ANYTHING long-term with her because she had really weird TOES," my friend Josh* confessed to me when I asked him why he broke it off with his last girlfriend.
We were all shocked to hear the news of their breakup. Josh's ex seemed to be everything anyone could ever want in a girlfriend: She was insanely smart, fantastically witty, stunningly gorgeous, kind, successful and independent.
Josh, on the other hand, was a struggling writer who lived with his parents in Long Island. We were all surprised he had even managed to score such a fierce girl, and now he was tossing her to the side like yesterday's dirty laundry because of her TOES?
I have heard a lot of dumb deal breakers in my life, but this was particularly wayward.
The whole thing was making me feel infuriated and aggressive toward Josh and all men like Josh!
"What the hell is wrong with you? She has weird toes? Who cares about her fucking toes?" I screeched to Josh, my eyes bewildered as I fought back the urge to throw my cold-pressed juice at him.
Josh shrugged his shoulders and lit up a cigarette. "I don't know, Zara. They just weirded me out."
I shook my head and pounded back my juice, pretending it was wine. "You're an idiot who is going to die alone." I stared at him intensely, hoping my cutting gaze would somehow whip him into shape.
Because really, babes, how idiotic is it to break something off with a girl because she doesn't have perfect toes? What world is this that a loser, jobless dude has the audacity to dump a fab woman because her toes aren't beautiful? The world is falling apart. Who even cares about toes?
Turns out my dear friend, Josh, isn't the only dumb ass who has broken up with a girl for a pathetic reason.
In this Reddit thread, guys reveal the dumbest reasons they broke things off with a girl. I'm warning you, these are dumb deal breakers, ladies.
All I can say is if girls broke up with guys for the same menial reasons guys broke up with girls, it would be the end of the human race.
This dude can't handle a girl who isn't good at bowling.
I think you're a dickhead if you break up with a girl who isn't a great bowler and, god forbid, get's frustrated for it.
Sorry she's a human being with nuanced feelings beyond just being "chill" about everything.
If she doesn't like video games, this dude can't get down with her.
So, if you meet the love of your life and she doesn't want to spend a Sunday afternoon wasting away in front of the couch playing video games, you're going to break up with her?
I think you're doing her a favor, dude. Because there is no way in hell a woman will ever want to date someone with such a pathetic deal breaker.
She didn't have perfect ankles.
Really? You're lucky an attractive girl even looked in your direction, fuckboy.
She looked like someone a character on "Seinfeld" would date.
PSA: The sophisticated NEW YORK women Seinfeld dated on his show would probably never want to date you either.
She likes to watch TV... and doesn't like rice.
Look, I get it if she's a total TV addict who doesn't do anything else but watch hours and hours of it, but merely LIKING TV is a deal breaker? I think having that stupid rule as a deal breaker is a deal breaker. Just saying.
Also, I hate rice. And I hate you, too, dude.
Her Nikes weren't "real."
OK, I'll admit it, knock-off Nikes aren't exactly classy. But goddamn, give a girl a break!
It's expensive being a girl. Don't write her off just because she was trying to save some money on shoes!