Contrary to popular belief, there are moments when men don't want to have sex.
To believe all men are sex-crazed lunatics is both assumptive and sexist -- but I'm not here to be political. I just want to provide some viable reasons for why men may (sometimes) not want to have sex.
About a month ago, I was sitting with a group of my buddies having drinks, when we began talking about uneven sex drives between us and our partners. To my surprise (though I'm sure the beer helped), I discovered that half of the guys I was sitting with admitted to having a low sex drive compared to their female partners.
While this imbalance could be attributed to the fact that most of us have younger partners, these age gaps (which average a few years, tops) just didn't seem significant enough to draw a reasonable conclusion. What I concluded from this, essentially, is that the assumption that women don't like or want to have sex as much as men is inaccurate. In my tiny sample, at least, the opposite was true.
Below are some of the reasons a guy just isn't in the mood to have sex. Because yes, it happens.
1. He just made love to himself.
You got off work earlier than expected, and now you're on your way home ready to do the deed with your man. The problem is, he just rubbed one out, and the evidence now rests in the tube sock that he lazily tossed on top of the laundry bin.
I myself tend to favor the “shoot in the boxers I'm wearing,” trick, then shove them deep into the laundry bin so that nobody discovers the crusty evidence of my solo dalliance.
2. The game's on.
It's not that we like sports more than sex (though I'm sure some of us do). It's just that when sports come on TV, we're going to watch. Imagine you're watching your favorite show and we tried to interrupt you for intercourse. No-go, right?
On the bright side, there is halftime, which is an opportune time to initiate foreplay. Or, if your man's anything like me and his team is losing just minutes into the game, he'll switch the channel because he's pissed. If this occurs, let him take out those frustrations in the bedroom -- you'll be glad you did.
3. He's tuckered out.
Your man's tired and overworked. And like you when you're tired, he doesn't want to put in the work required to have sex. Even if you insist you'll do all the work, he still might not take you up on the offer. Just toss the guy a pillow and grab your vibrator.
4. He's pissed (or emotional).
Angry sex is sometimes the best sex. But when a guy is mad -- like really, really mad -- he wants to punch something. There's a fine line between angry and irrationally angry. The latter is potentially dangerous.
When he's brewing in anger, he's not going to want to penetrate anything -- except maybe a punching bag and/or wall with his fist.
5. He has low testosterone levels.
The reason he may not want to have sex could be simply that your man has low testosterone, or low libido, the result of which can be a low sex drive in men. According to estimates, as many as 13.9 million American men have low testosterone levels. This isn't as rare as it may seem.
6. You're not giving him enough affection.
Yes, you read that correctly. If a man isn't feeling the love from his partner, his libido could be waving goodbye, and your sex life will soon do the same. Men need love too, and if he feels like he isn't getting any affection from the person he loves, it may hurt his libido.
We're not going to admit we need this love, but we do. We all do.
7. He's in pain.
He's pulled something in his back and is pretty much immobile. Understandably, he's not up for sex. So instead of having sex, offer him a massage and tend to those aches and pains. Who knows -- if you do a good enough job and he's beginning to feeling better, he might want to return the favor and massage your G-spot ... with his penis.
8. He's bombed.
Drunk men face many sex-related issues. The most prevalent being that he might not be able to get it up. Many call this "whiskey d*ck," and most men will admit it's pretty embarrassing. Other booze-related foibles are: being absolutely horrible, falling asleep, getting too aggressive, not being able to finish.
9. He isn't feeling sexy.
He had a Big Mac combo for lunch and picked up Chinese on the way home. After meals like these, your man's going to feel flabby and all kinds of unsexy. Though I can't make this argument on behalf of all men, many of us do wish we had better bodies. The media exposes women to the ideal male physique, and chances are, we don't have it. Yes, Channing Tatum, you funny, wealthy, good-looking bastard, I'm looking at you.
10. He's just plain lazy.
Let's be honest: Eighty percent of intercourse/foreplay is for the woman's benefit, as the female orgasm is much more complicated (and wonderful) than a man's. And since it takes women much longer than guys to get warmed up, sometimes we don't want to put in all the work. The caveat of this is that if we don't, we run the chance of being a bad lay -- and that's a label no man wants.