Your Soulmate Won't Be Perfect
Love is magical. It can lift you up and have you dancing amongst the stars.
It can have you daydreaming about seeing someone, falling asleep with your phone in your hand, counting down the minutes until you can see them again.
It can fix the bad days, encourage and inspire you, give you a shoulder to cry on and someone to count on.
But love can be tricky and messy. It can let you down and make you mad and sad.
Sometimes we say things we don't mean because we feel we deserve to be treated differently. We're mean because we're stressed or we make mistakes. We get stuck in ruts.
That doesn't mean the love you share with your partner and the relationship you put so much effort into is broken.
In fact, getting out of the idea that your love is supposed to be perfect is the first step in creating the kind of love you want in this world.
Love isn't perfect.
As a perfectionist, this is hard for me to admit.
I believe love is a truly wonderful thing, and it brings so much to our lives. I also believe it should be easy, fun and problem free. This, of course, is totally ludicrous and unrealistic.
When I was younger (and still sort of now) I was a total dreamer.
I wanted things to be perfect and I wanted the person I was with to be perfect.
I wanted them to buy me thoughtful presents just because, bring me flowers maybe twice a year, tell me I was pretty and do all of the other "right" things.
Then, I fell in love in high school and it was a disaster.
He wanted to have his cake and eat it too, he wanted everything to be on his terms and he was actually kind of a jerk.
It took a while to realize it, but when I did, I realized it wasn't worth it. That kind of love clearly wasn't perfect.
The next guy I fell in love with was different. He was sweet and soft, smart and caring. He was always willing to listen and he made me feel cared for.
But he was apprehensive and was nervous about our relationship. Then something happened that changed his life and no matter how hard I tried to be there for him, no matter what I did, it wasn't enough. It was hard to accept that.
Over the next few years, I had time to think and realize what I was looking for in a relationship wasn't realistic.
My relationship with my current boyfriend started out "perfectly." We would talk all day, every day. We would say sweet things and do what we could to spend as much time as possible together.
But, as the years have gone on, life's gotten in the way. We've both been stressed and we've snapped on each other. It's safe to say we've let the honeymoon phase come and go.
Sometimes it gets to me.
When he's worried about something and he closes himself off to deal with it, I think it's because of me. When we bicker and fight, I think we're surely the only ones dealing with it.
Sometimes I'm snippy when I feel like I'm not getting enough attention, and sometimes he's mean when he thinks he's not getting enough help.
But when those things happen, I have to remember they're just for a moment in time.
Life is going to be constantly changing for us over the next few years and sometimes it can scare us or stress us out.
We all have different ways of coping with that fact, and sometimes we take it out on those closest to us even if we don't mean to. However, it's how we depend on each other that's important.
Love is always going to be tricky, but assuming our partner is going to be perfect is already dooming love before it can truly blossom.
We may have a list of what we want out of a partner, but if we got all of those things, we wouldn't really grow from the relationship.
Some people are loud, some don't like being in crowded places, some may not deal with stress properly or some might have a hard time expressing their feelings.
If the person is special and the relationship is worth it, these things won't matter. There are always going to be hurdles.
Life isn't always going to be easy and sometimes you might not exactly like each other, but the perfect partner is going to love you no matter what.
Acceptance of who someone is should be at the top of your list for the perfect partner. If you can truly understand that, love will change your life.