I Love You, But I Hate Your Social Media Profile

by Lauren Martin

Does the profile picture make the man, or does the man make the profile picture?

I don't know about you guys, but this reoccurring dilemma of true love and online love is giving me an ulcer.

I feel like the minute I find a man, I also find his profile and, along with it, everything I didn't want to know. We become lovers, then (Facebook) friends, and suddenly, I know too much about him.

Unlike our parents, our generation faces new hurdles when looking for love. No longer do you meet someone and learn about her over time.

Now, you meet someone, stalk her online, and then decide if you want to spend any more time getting to know her since you've already found out everything you need to know. This new dynamic has completely changed the dating game.

Do we take him at face value or by the value of his Facebook?

Because it's just not her, but her selfies. It's not just him, but his mirror pics. It's not man and his dog, but man and his social media.

How do we judge a new love? Is the man who takes the gym pics on Instagram really the man you want to fall in love with? If mirror selfies didn't exist, would we still find out he's a douchebag?

If she didn't post Katy Perry quotes, would you still know she's an idiot? Has social media ruined people, or just exposed them for who they really are?

It's a hard thing to tell. When you're falling in love with someone, you can't help but look at all the variables. If you love a man but hate his social media profile, what does that mean? Does that make or break it?

Is his social media profile more indicative of who he is than his actual self? Are we all just posting what's in our soul?

I don't know if we'll ever know the answer to that question, but I think we can gain some small insight. I think it's fair to assume that by using social media, you're curating your online presence.

You're presenting this idealized version of yourself to the world. You're creating an advertisement of yourself and how you want to be seen.

So, if the guy you're dating is taking one too many mirror pics, clearly he's trying to preserve his image. Does he know it's douchey or does he just love himself?

Or does he just not understand what he's really getting across?

What if she's a narcissist online, but amazing in real life? What side do we turn to? What if he doesn't know the hell he's doing and is just an idiot when it comes to social media?

At the end of it all, it's not so black and white. We all use social media differently, and someone may be completely different online than he or she is in person.

So if you're dating someone, do you end a relationship because of someone's social media profile? No, you just defriend him or her.

I love you, but I hate your multiple mirror selfies.

I love you, but I hate your gym pics.

I love you, but I hate your weather updates. We all know how cold it is.

I love you, but I hate your unfettered religious opinions.

I love you, but I hate your updates that start with “I never do this… but.”

I love you, but I really don't care what bar, park, winery, restaurant or movie theater you're checking in at.

I love you, but I hate your Candy Crush requests.

I love you, but I hate your overtly antagonizing opinions.

I love you, but I don't love pictures of your car.

I love you, but you're trying way too hard.

I love you, but I could cook lasagna better than that.

I love you, but I hate the spelling mistakes in your status updates.

I love you, but I hate that you ruin "Game of Thrones" every week.

I love you, but your political views are wrong.

I love you, but I hate your consistent status updates that have little to no bearing on my life.

I love you, but I hate that all your feeds are connected to each other.

I love you, but I hate when you tag me in your updates. I like to keep my feed clean, like my sexual record.

I love you, but I hate your stupid dog pictures. All dogs know how to walk; this is not surprising or exciting.

I love you, but I hate your cover photos. They aren't funny or cute.

I love you, but I hate your excessive pet pictures.

I love you, but I don't think it's appropriate to post selfies with your dying grandma in the hospital.

I love you, but you're a thirst trap.

I love you, but I hate that your humble brags are less-than-humble.

I love you, but #hashtags are not thoughts.

I love you, but you're more THOT than you are thoughtful.