Dating an alcoholic is hard. But being the child of an alcoholic can be just as traumatizing.
This is already common knowledge. But what about dating the child of an alcoholic?
Growing up with an alcoholic parent definitely leaves you with a lot of issues. Some of these children never manage to overcome the trauma and stigma of dealing with an alcoholic, and this makes them lonely.
Not all the kids of alcoholics have bad childhoods, but they DO all see the effects of addiction. They all learn to put others first, and they all learn depression and alcoholism are related.
Therefore, they tend to live with a certain amount of guilt. But this is not all they learn from living with an alcoholic parent: There are many other life lessons the children of addicts learn, and some of them alter their entire lives.
In fact, this is especially true when it comes to dating.
I've seen this stuff firsthand. Here's what the experience has taught me:
1. You will learn to control life, but then stop and let go.
Addicts have no control over their addiction. As a result, their kids will feel the urge to control their lives.
Dating such a control addict is not an easy task. They will take control over your life, while also trying to control their own.
This means drama if you think of canceling plans or acting spontaneous. This will cause you to make a habit of controlling your life. But one day, you will wake up and decide to let go.
If you really love your partner, you will work with him or her in order to teach him or her to let go as well. When this happens, you will thrive as a couple.
2. You will learn to cope with someone else's burden.
The child of an addict has to carry a large burden throughout his or her life. Growing up with an addict as a parent puts a label on your forehead, and it's a stigma that will stick with you your entire life.
There are times this burden can be forgotten, yes. But when you start dating an addict's kid, the burden will gradually show up.
There will be days when everything'll seem great. But then, your new partner will get dragged down.
Most of the time, children of alcoholics suffer from a dark depression. As you will love that person, you will also be affected by it.
You will learn the connection between depression and addiction, and you will learn how to fight it. That's going to make you stronger.
3. You will learn to have patience.
An alcoholic's child is hurt, and carries a lot of anger and pain inside. If you have enough patience with them, they will open up.
When this happens, you will see your partner change in front of your eyes. Patience is the key to this relationship. If you have it, everything will eventually fall into place.
4. You will learn what true love is.
Kids of addicts are used to losing things they care about, and are traumatized by the idea of being abandoned. They are afraid to fall in love again.
But when they eventually do, they do it completely.
Dating an addict's child is going to teach you what true love is. Your partner is used to loving deeply, and will keep trying to make the relationship work... no matter what.
Once your partner falls in love, he or she can overcome anything and follow that great love. So, embrace that.