Don't Call Me Maybe

How many times does a guy ask you for your number or Facebook after just minutes of conversation at a crowded bar or seconds after you walk past him down a crowded street? Way too often.

The only thought that runs through my mind is that they are most likely catching diseases faster than catching digits. You can’t blame ‘em for trying, but what’s the point in sugarcoating the fact that you really don’t want to talk to them?

Far too often we feel pressured to accept, give in to their pestering and have to deal with text upon text from blackberry addicts who just won’t get the picture. We haven’t replied after the first eight texts you sent last week; what makes you think number nine is the lucky number? They send you a photo of their dog or ask you to get a drink with them everyday for two weeks straight.

It’s nauseating.

Unanswered messages leave us all feeling anxious and like terrible people so both parties end up feeling like the initial moment of meeting was a lie- and now here you are caught in a Chinese finger trap.

Sometimes vague interactions aren't meant to be anything more than a distant memory. Why don't we have the courage to leave that awkward conversation in the past?


If you don't pick up on her disinterest through her body language during your unmemorable conversation, what makes you think you should try to break through her one worded text barriers? Save yourself the drama. If she says she doesn't wanna give you her number the first time, don't pester her until she does- even if you do get the number after bugging her for fifteen minutes, you’ll never sleep with her.

On to the ​ladies:

Let’s visit that awkward moment when someone asks you for your number and your instinctive response is: No.


​a) Give him your number​​.

Seems like the easiest response at the time. It avoids hurting his feelings or causing any awkward social tension. Results in an unpredictably annoying process of getting him used to not receiving a response to his texts.

​b) Give him a frenemy's number.

A cheap laugh that should be reserved for those guys who you know are about to give his bros a high-five for scoring yet another number. And it may be annoying, but overall harmless to your unsuspecting "friend".


​ Now here’s a chance to really get down to business. If you don’t see a point in wasting both of your time, why not let him know you have absolutely no interest in his movie collection? Wouldn’t it be great if you just said: ​"Listen, let me save you the trouble of stumbling for words. It was nice to meet you but I would rather not taint this moment of meeting with a convoluted let down."

​Most importantly, you don’t owe anyone the ability to remain in touch with you. Don’t feel guilt tripped into handing out your digits. So what if they will think you are a bitch for not going along with their little game? STOP feeling guilty. You'll feel worse if he's blowing up your phone for weeks on end.

No one wants a stalker. If you get bad vibes, follow your instincts. If you feel chemistry, you’ll know right away. First impressions reveal plenty. If he’s annoying from the onset, he’s sure as hell gonna be annoying later down the road.

Oh dudes one more thing. Just because you’ve got her number does not give you permission to drown her in cheesy emoticons and winky faces. And whatever you do, DON’T start the text with “Babe...”. Save the bullshit. If you really wanna get to know someone, cut the crap and pay attention.

Be a big boy and use the telephone to exchange actual words- complete with tone and personality. If not, good luck swimming in textual abyss and twisting your face to read between the lines.

Alyssa | Elite.